ive recently had a long overdue talk with one of my girlfriends whom i know is in a pseudo replationship. before i even continue, to those uninformed, these pseudo relationships are what others would call as a euphemism an open relationship, no strings attached or even fuck buddies at some level. no offense to those in it but to me, pseudo relationships are complete bull.
the root pseudo is derived from the Greek word "pseudein" which means "to lie" - magsinungaling. Just like a pseudonym or a pen name for writers who cant/ wont publish their true identities for security, mystery or artistic purposes. in other words, a pseudonym is a fake name. in that same light, thats how i see pseudo relationships. they're not real. collier even defined pseudo as a prefix used to form an adjective or a noun that indicate something is not the thing it is claimed to be. that, my friends, is very self explanatory. i dont think i even need to elaborate.
in a pseudo relationship, both parties are free to fuck, date, text and see anybody they please, and vice versa. the only difference of a real relationship from a pseudo one is the big C. Nope, not cancer, but Commitment. There are several reasons - not yet ready to commit, enjoying single-dom, not yet moved on (my favorite), not settled with career, family issues, etc. Sure, these reasons exist. But if you really love me and you cant afford to lose me, thats enough reason to give me your Big C. Call me old school, but its always the girl who is 'dehado' at these kinds of relationships. How do i know? once upon a time, i was a pseudo girlfriend.
the only reason why i agreed to be such is because at that time (again, i repeat, at that time) i really thought the guy was the source of my happiness. i was so attached to the person, his family, his lifestyle, et al. he was like a comfort zone i was so scared of leaving, like a habit so hard to break. the blind spot was we did everything normal couples do - we kiss, we eat out, we exchange sweet nothings. but at the end of the day, you cant expect. cant demand. cant compromise. you cant even cry when he misses an occassion, you cant oblige him to be your date at your cousin's wedding, you cant feel bad that he has an account at a chatroom you know is intended for perverted guys and you cant blame his friends for looking at you and sneering, and you know they already tagged a slut sign in your forehead.
the turning point, which i considered the wake up call, was when i accidentally read a text message on his other phone to his other girl. Lo and behold! he was the one who got angry, shouting that i shouldnt go through his things like that and reminding me over and over that he wasnt my boyfriend so i shouldnt feel bad about it. but i did. the revelation alone was painful but what hurt even more was the fact that he was right. He was not my boyfriend. i allowed him to treat me that way. nobody to blame but myself. at that point, i know i deserve better. im not a trashy cheap girl. i am a girl for keeps. so i took all the courage i had to leave. where to? hell, i dont know. better place? no frigging idea. what i am certain though is the longer i stay with him, the more i will expect and the harder it will be to leave.
to all our common friends, to his relatives who are my friends, i didnt write this to lambast anybody. without that chapter, i wouldnt be at this page. i wrote this because i know there's a girl out there who is in the same shithole i was once in. like her, i was so scared of leaping out of it. but when i did, thats when i realized theres so many things ive been missing. im no hindu but thanks to that experience, i found my good karma. i found my reward.
the thought of being single again is really really scary - especially coming from any relationship - may it be real or pseudo. but looking back, i wish i chose to be single when i first had the chance to leave. i wish i spent more time in the salon or at the day spa. shopping with my girlfriends. meeting new guys. i never thought id say this but i wish i listened to my mom.
like horses with their blinders on, most girls really think they hit jackpot when they found an attractive guy who laughs at their their jokes, shares their interests and listens to the same shit they listen to. but all of these enumerated are not enough if the guy is not willing to give the Big C. you deserve respect and commitment. youre not just one of his girls - you are 'the girl'. youre not just a consolation prize - you are the grand prize. youre not just his late night booty call. you are the girl he will dream of marrying. i remember that Cosmo interview with Rihanna, guys only treat you the way you want to be treated. i couldnt agree more.
love is a gamble. its a risk. its not for the weak-hearted. sometimes you win, most times you lose. you just gotta be brave to let that person go because every moment spent with the wrong guy is a missed opportunity at meeting the right one. and life is too damn short to be wasted on the wrong guy.
Published by Karenina Delta