Today has been hard. It's taken every ounce of my strength, mental and physical to sit here and write this. But I'm doing it, and that's worth celebrating.
Getting out of bed is worth celebrating. Showering is worth celebrating. Talking to someone is worth celebrating. Making myself lunch is worth celebrating. Leaving the house is worth celebrating. Being okay with not doing any of the above is worth celebrating. Staying alive is worth celebrating.
On days like today, I could spend the whole of it sleeping. And every moment I choose to stay awake is worth celebrating. Every single moment of every day for someone who suffers from depression and anxiety is worth celebrating. I did it, I got through another hour, another day, another week or another month. You did it. 1 in 4 people are doing it.
My mind plays tricks to convince me I'm not worth anything. At times, I'm at logger-heads with it, attempting to fight the onslaught of depressive and anxiety ridden thoughts. But it is a part of me and I am a part of it. The battle is constant, but sometimes we have to meet in no-mans-land and take a break. My illnesses aren't going to concede overnight, the army is still strong, so maybe it's time to sit down together, talk and find a compromise.
On days like today I couldn't tell you how I manage to turn it around. A lot of the time I can't and that's okay. A lot of the time I have to write the day off for my health and that's okay. Other times I can turn a corner and that's okay.
Depression made me feel so lost today that I was forced to find myself. I was drowning and I had to fight for air. So I kicked hard and eventually reached the surface to take a breath. I'm not at the shore yet, or even floating on the surface, but I'm not at the bottom either.
I'm writing about this for two reasons; firstly because writing is my lifejacket and the way I stay in the moment and keep grounded. And secondly, because I'm not alone. You may have experienced something similar. You will know someone with depression, whether you're aware of it or not. You may face mental health problems in the future. You may just need to know you're not alone. Reach out and someone can help you.
No day will be exactly the same. No day can I approach my mental health the same. No day will my depression and anxiety produce the exact same symptoms. I'm still learning, and today I learnt that I can turn the day around. I don't have to all the time, but I can. Either a mountain or a molehill, I can get to the other side.
And then it starts all over again. Tomorrow is a new day.
But for now, well done on reading this article. Well done on being you. Well done on living, it's not always easy.
Published by Kate Delaney