Some days I would wonder how it all started. How did we end up as intimate as we are right now? Is this something I should be thankful for or is it something I should be wary of?
Some days I would just stare out of my window and try to remember why I miss your touch. Is it because you made me laugh a bunch of times? Is it because you were blunt as hell towards me? Is it because you satisfied me in bed? Or is it because you were not afraid of me?
Some days I would contemplate hard if I should continue this.
I know this’ll ruin me sooner rather than later. I would gather up the courage to tell you I want to stop this but each time, I would miss you hard enough for me to say ‘Hi’ instead of ‘Goodbye’.
Do you still remember?
The first time we touched each other, I was not prepared at all for the explosion of senses around me. To say I felt it all at once was an understatement. In the few minutes we held on to each other, I felt my soul quiver along with everything around me. To this day, I crave for the feeling of breathlessness, losing my grip on reality until you drag me back to your side with your warm embrace.
Remember when you told me my scent left a trace on your pillow?
The second time we lost ourselves in each other, I tried hard to prepare myself for the onslaught of sensual detonation. Your warnings helped. Your bluntness towards wantonly desiring me aided me in finally deciding to accept the fact that I do want you more than I could ever accept. It amuses me how easily I gave in and at the same time, I felt that at that time, I lost sight of the road my moral compass is leading me to. I told you about this but I guess it doesn’t matter to you.
Have you forgotten the day we slept soundly beside each other?
The day we are to part ways, we left with no promises. I remembered how goofy you were, how your eyes light up each time we share moments of laughter with each other. I remembered how you ate that cake with intensity. I remembered how you looked when I turned back to look if you were still waiting while I got myself checked in at the airport.
I guess it was all borrowed time.
Should I be thankful for you? Honestly, I am not sure yet. I guess I will never be and that’s okay.
Published by Kathleen Balbarona