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If I told you what my mind imagines on a daily basis,
If I told you how many times I attempted suicide,
If I told you every dream makes me cry,
Would you leave me?
If I told you about the man who assaulted me when I was kid,
If I told you about the man whose last name used to be mine,
If I told you about the man who died causing me to thank God,
Would you leave me?
If I told you about the messes I have made,
If I told you I spent time in a psychiatric facility,
If I told you about all the times others tried to fix me,
Would you leave me?
What if I told you I can’t be fixed,
What if I told you it wasn’t someone trying to steal the car,
What if I told you I was a victim of a sexual assault behind the mosque,
Would you leave me?
…
If I told you demons torment me,
If I told you I lost my faith multiple times,
If I told you perfection is not one of my qualities,
Would you still love me?
If I told you about the times I stole from my mother’s purse,
If I told you all the lies that I have uttered,
If I told you about secret meetings with my AA Counselor & Sexual Assault Survivor Group,
Would you still love me?
If I told you about my addictions,
If I told you that alcohol, cigarettes, and coke whisper in my ear,
If I told you Islam has brewed a war inside of me and sometimes I fall,
Would you still love me?
What if I told you I lost friends and family,
What if I told you I have buried children who died from malnutrition and drone strikes,
What if I told you I suffer from night terrors whenever I try to get romantic,
Would you still love me?
Published by Khalid Zilberg
6 years ago 
