Stop Apologizing

I have been thinking a lot about relationships recently.

Watching my sister and her boyfriend be disgustingly affectionate* has me wondering what it takes to make a relationship work.

I ended a relationship in December, the day before Christmas Eve to be exact.**

Anyways, it’s almost six months later and I have just now started to unpack the box of stuff I left at his house.

And not because it was too hard for me to look at it, but mainly because I propped something up on the box in my room that would make the box cave in if it were empty.

For the most part the box comprised of things you need when you don’t actually live together, but you basically do; toothbrush, pajamas because he would complain that I stole all of his shirts, phone charger, all that fun stuff.

The one thing that stood out to me though was a letter that I had written to him.

It was an apology I had written because I hung out with my friends the night before and didn’t include him.

As I was reading the letter I realized… Why was I apologizing for spending time with my friends?

The more I thought about this over a tub of salted caramel ice cream with my mom the more I realized, I apologized for a lot while we were together.***

The conclusion I came to is that when I didn’t know what else to say, I would say sorry, like whatever world-ending, life-shattering catastrophe that had just taken place was all my fault.

So here I have a list of things that as females, we should not be apologizing for;

1. Spending time on your own; I know this one sounds completely ass-backwards because people get into relationships to not be alone, or so I assume but that is a whole other topic I could rant about. But a little alone time never hurt anyone, in fact, it can be good for the relationship. Ever hear “too much of a good thing”? Well spending all of your time joined at the pelvis**** is a prime example.

2. Having beliefs, thoughts, and opinions that don’t match his; This one is really important to me because my ex and I had nothing in common. When he was around his family they would all make jokes about things I believed in, and I ended up feeling like I had the wrong opinion. I’m no expert in this field, but in a healthy relationship, both partners should be able to acknowledge the others differing opinions and accept that they are different.

3. Menstruating; This is a really big one because most girls don’t even realize that they are doing it. But think to yourself, how many times have you said “Sorry I can’t I’m on my period.” Seems like nothing, but why would you apologize for something out of your control? What you should be saying is “hell yeah I was responsible enough to avoid unwanted pregnancy and I am not going to bone you right now.” Or something along those lines.

4. Your past; It is in the past and it should stay there. Unless you can time travel and go back and stop yourself from hooking up with that one guy, or making that one choice that was probably a questionable decision, then let it go. It is part of who you are, and there is no amount of “I’m sorry” that will change it.

5. Having drive or ambition; As females there is still a very archaic idea that we are supposed to sit at home all day and cook meals and clean the house. If that is what you want to do with your life, who am I to judge. However, if your goal is to finish school and get a high paying job, there are a lot of people who are going to call you a bitch. Never apologize for being assertive. If stating what I want and not letting anything stop me makes me a bitch, then so be it.

That is just a few things that no one should have to apologize for. And don’t get me wrong there is a time and a place to admit you were wrong and apologize, but there is an even bigger time and place to stand your ground.

*In the best way

**I still feel kind of bad about that part

***Me and my ex, not me and the ice cream

****I say pelvis and not hip because can you imagine trying to have sex like that? You would have had to have spent six years with the Russian circus to pull that off