I had my sons on November 24, 2004 and since that day I’ve wanted a tubal ligation. I know that I may be committing a sin to some of the mommies out there but I have to say it; I do not want any more children! I’ve felt this way and only speak about it to close family and friends as I fear the wrath of the religious and the mommies who believe that a woman should do as she was made to do “be fruitful and multiply”. To these people I must say, I am sorry.
I got the courage to share my feelings today after reading the article “No More Babies: My Tubal Ligation Surgery Part 1” by Melissa (Kreative Beautii) on My Trending Stories. Since giving birth to my boys, I have spoken to my OB/GYN, my Family Physician and a few other doctors about my feelings and they all regurgitate the same script:
- You’re too young.
- Yes, in my twenties, maybe I was young and single and unsure of the future. The one thing I did know, I did not want another pregnancy or more children!
- You’re not married yet. What if you get married to someone other than the boys’ father and he wants a child?
- So, I have married the father of my children; I still don’t want another pregnancy or more children.
- If things were different and I happened to have married someone else, I still would not want another pregnancy or more children. As such, this new man/husband would be marrying me knowing from the very first day that this is how I feel.
- Tubal ligation is too permanent; what if you change your mind and want more children later?
- It is because it is permanent why I want it! It is the best way to guarantee my wish, hopes, dreams and desires of never having another pregnancy.
So, I think you get the gist by now; I feel very strongly about this. Don’t get me wrong, Matthew and Michael are the best things to happen to me and I would never give them up for anything. So, why do I not want to have more of these blessings? Several reasons:
- I had a complicated and emotional roller coaster pregnancy. My pregnancy was not easy; it had many challenges physically, mentally and emotionally and I do not wish to go through that again. While a pregnancy now would be different and I wouldn’t face some of the things I did then, it would nonetheless come with challenges I am not willing to face or have the strength to face now.
- I believe that my two boys are more than enough. The journey from conception to the birth of my boys has its ups and downs; and this has carried on to this very day. I have watched my boys grow from babies to now pre-teens and I am not only happy with what I see but I am also extremely satisfied. My husband and I have managed to turn all our obstacles and challenges into successes and we have done tremendously well in raising our two boys and I honestly believe that our boys are enough. They provide us with all the joys, laughter, sorrow, tears and anything else you can think of that a child brings to a parent’s life. There is honestly no room for anyone else.
- Children are expensive! This is what people always call the selfish reason and I say this with no apology, I am entitled to it. If you know my story and you know what I have been through, you will know that I deserve a little selfishness every now and then. I don’t know about where you are from but where I am from, babies cost a lot of money. From birth to feeding, clothing, education, etc. they come with a huge bill. My family and I enjoy a modest life where we occasionally go out to movies, dinner, travel, etc. and we do not wish to disrupt that equilibrium. It is my belief that another child will take away from that and result in us having to shift our priorities and give up on some of the luxuries we have come to enjoy. I say this with no apology; I am not willing to do that. I love my life as it is and I want it to stay as it is.
I don’t know if this will inspire anyone else with similar views to share them but I hope that it will impact someone the way Melissa’s article impacted me. For the persons I have offended, I am sorry but these are my views and I pledged to be honest in my blog posts when I started this blog. Whether you agree with me or not, share your thoughts in the comments section below so that we can have a spirited discussion.
Published by Krishta-Gay Lewis-Harewood