Alice 9

He tells her this time will be different. She knows it won't. He doesn't want her. It's too hard. But he won't let her go.

She is sad. Lost. She is taking care of him. Mothering them all. So unattractive.

His family ignore her. Judging eyes. They scream in her face. Bully. He will not stop them. Will not rock the boat, cannot speak out. She feels abandoned. She doesn't respect any of them now. He is a push over. Weak. There is no peace. She cannot cope.

She builds walls. Tries to gather her strength. She holds her babies. Where to go? She has no voice. She does not belong. She is scared. She misses herself.

She must fight.

He watches the television.

She decided it is time to build the life she wants. He can stay behind.

He slips, back toward the hole. She is lonely.

He feels rejected. Judged. 

She focuses on the babies. Her work. Herself. Resigned to this life. Unhappy.

She thinks, plans, prays. She doesn't know who she is or where to go.

She needs direction. Support. She wants to let it all go. The drama over tiny incidentals is killing her.

She needs structure. Routine. She feels like a token. No real role. No real vote. He talks over her. Equality bullshit. No voice.

She prays. Hides her tears from the kids. Tries to accept this way of life. Wants to be happy. He tells her she is nothing without him, without his backing, his money, his family. She knows. She understands. 

Day by day. Step by step. She struggles to accept this. She doesn't want to admit this. She wants to change this. Fix it all.

Her comfort zone is so far behind. She is so far out of her element. She has no motivation. She is not ready yet; but she knows she cannot let this destroy her dreams. Inertia. She must stand up and fight. Lead. Not follow him into the darkness. 

She chooses life.

Published by Kristy Hunt


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