If you ask what life is to me, I would answer:”Life is a story you fill in the empty pages of a book entitled with your name.”
I have been harboring this topic for awhile since yesterday’s incident. To cut the long story short, I nominated someone out of fun in a crowd of the audience, received an adrenaline rush and a surge of dopamine that gave me a sense of accomplishment among my friends. However, I was greeted with a face of disbelief and anger from one of my superior’s bosses. If he was Cyclops from X-MEN, I swear this post, and the subsequent ones, will not be in existence.
Nonetheless, I was introduced to this whole concept of fun. Growing up, I was a pretty obedient law-abiding kid, and I am still one. Rebellious and defiance were never words of my dictionary, for once I remembered being caned doing something against my parent’s wishes of straying out too far. Plenty of children definitely do something that made parents angry, but some suffer its unforeseeable circumstances. Regardless, these are qualities embedded into the psychological aspect of kids.
Yesterday’s incident definitely gave me a huge wake-up call, on when I should be serious and when can I inject fun. To properly give yesterday’s incident a closure, I did not get into trouble because I was simply ignorant about certain issues. I did, however, apologized to those whom I have upset and asked for forgiveness simply because that was the right thing to do.
I felt so much more alive.
I never expected myself to do something so out of the ordinary, someone who sets to push out against the boundaries of comfort. Yesterday I did, and I had another encounter with discomfort again that night. One of the people I met through an online application wanted to move things forward. I always knew I would end up being asked the question “Do you think we should go into a relationship?” and I ascertained that “Yes” would be the answer.
Then again, I was facing troubles opening up. Be it an old wound from the past that was being revisited, or the fear that I am venturing too deeply into the woods of uncertainty, they stand tall and proud and these obstacles are ones I need to circumvent. Perhaps, the earlier incident jitted me so badly I was confounded.
If I were to reference back to the rhetorical question at the start, I would never regret my actions of the afternoon’s case because I added so much more memories and colors into my book. And definitely, “YES” would follow immediately when the question was popped. Regardless, there is this string from my old personality that reins me back to reality, for we cannot indulge in dreams and fall off the chasm, in reality thinking that we will land on to a bed of roses.
There will always be consequences that we have to be accounted for, to acknowledge of, and to be responsible for. Because life works in this way, you pay for the mistakes and you enjoy the benefits you reap.
If there is something to take away from this seemingly unsatisfying post, make your decisions count and do what is right. Because at the end of the day, if someone is going to read an eulogy of you in your death bed, what are the things you wished to hear?
Published by Lucius