We all have friends; we see them almost every day of our lives. They are just a mundane part of our lives and we take them for granted. I know for a fact, I have.
If you had asked me about my friends a couple months ago I would have told you I had none. Of course, I would be lying… I had a handful of friends. But the physical presence of friends didn’t stop the aching feeling of loneliness I felt inside. I’ve never been one to be surrounded by large groups of people; I’ve always kept my group of friends to a minimum. I don’t think this is a bad thing. It just wasn’t helping the loneliness I felt.
On the rare occasion I actually wanted to go out and do something, no one would be around – pushing that feeling of being friendless right to the surface. I never trusted people, I still tend not to but it made me feel like I had no one to confide in. The result of all this repression and silent suffering led to horrible feelings, events, and actions to the point where I was on the edge of a break down. I opened up to people I should never have trusted, I told the wrong people my darkest secrets, I told people who mean nothing to me that they meant everything to me. And it all stemmed from the desperation of wanting to feel like I wasn’t alone. I was vulnerable and easily manipulated by evils I was blind to.
This all sounds pessimistic and regretful. To an extent, it is, but it also shaped who I am now and the people I surround myself with.
Through all the ups and downs, I discovered who was still there at the end of it. I will never be able to thank one particular friend enough. The lives we have both lived have pushed us closer, made us realise how similar we are and done nothing but strengthen our friendship.
I also gained some friends and these people are the people that inspired me to write this very post. For the first time in a long time, I feel like a part of something. I feel included. I feel important. I feel like I have a family outside my family and that is truly a blessing. These people have walked into my life at a horrible time and seen something in me that they believe is worth something. They played a part in changing my outlook on life – don’t get me wrong, I’m not in a perfect place all the time, I’m not mundane but I am ‘normal’. Someone taught me that normal doesn’t exist. We are all normal – we just have differences. Some people see more in life than others and they are the people I want to surround myself with.
I surrounded myself with destructive, toxic and manipulative liars for too long. Right now, I’m just grateful for the weird and wonderful friends I have now. Every single one of you introduced me to something new and I am eternally grateful.
Tell your friends how much they mean to you today.
Published by Lucy Scoble