Coming from the continent of Africa, born into a family from Paris, Tennessee. My name is Darice but you can call me Lyrae Tsunami.
I came to the conclusion that I wanted to stop being scared of what people thought about me once I hit high school. Things were different growing up. I am one of three children that my Momma gave birth to. See when I was younger I was a child that always cried and didn’t mind being alone. I wasn’t a social butterfly, I was the child that would look at you like you stank if you tried to become my friend or even picked me up as a baby. But things changed when I was 8 going on 9 the devil came knocking at my door. My mind was as sharp as a knife, knew all about my ABCs and times tables, but all of that changed when that man, I mean boy came in and took my dignity. So much for birds and bees talk right?. No one told me about rape, molestation, sexual abuse or any of that, I had to look it up on my own. I didn’t want to use that words “sexual abuse” it made me feel disgusting. I blamed myself every hour of every day for that man touching me. I accused myself day in and day out. Told myself that it was my fault for being molested. Not knowing that I am not responsible for someone else’s actions. I tried to change the way I looked. I went from wearing Easter dresses to never looking at a dress again. It was all about button up polos and cargo shorts with my air force 1s. I had no time to be a girly girl. So wearing those barrettes were for the birds, give me some Cleo braids and I will be straight. So that’s who I became, a tomboy. All I wanted to do was shoot hoops and be rough and tough but where was this “tough act” when that man molested me. I questioned myself for years and just held in my emotions until I said enough was enough. I went to talk to my youth pastor and he recommended that I talk to God. Funny thing is I stopped believing in him once I was molested. No God would let a child at the age of 8 going on 9 be molested, so he tried to tell me a different method to cope. He wanted me to read two books: The Search for Significance and Lies Young Women Believe. He told me that I was a child beginning to lose my way of life and that I didn’t know who I was. I cried because he was right. I didn’t know who I was and I got tired of asking Facebook. I was tired of looking through this same broken mirror and still not seeing myself whole. Tired of crying like these tears were gonna heal anything. Damn it I was tired. So I tried to go to sleep, a deep sleep. Suicide was the only thing on my mind at the time. By this time, I was about 12 I started planning ways to kill myself. I thought maybe cutting myself would work, so I stole a knife from my house and took it to school. Cutting didn’t work and I didn’t like the fact that it left a scar so I thought of a different plan, pills. By the time I started planning this death, my best friend well more like a brother, saved my life. The fear that was in his eyes let me know that I needed help, so I read the books. I reread the books again and still nothing changed. I mean I started to peep little things but it wasn’t nothing major I still thought I was a messed up kid who wasn’t gonna be anything. So that’s what I believed. I couldn’t deny the fact that I felt empty and incomplete and that I didn’t belong, but I decided to give Middle school a try and that was a roller coaster. I became a brace face and that was NOT the move. I made friends and lost friends, but I started to gain myself.
By the time high school came around, I was on my way to happiness. I started putting myself around more positive people and actually trying to be happy. I changed the way I dressed so it would fit my personality. I love everything about the 90s from the music, hair, and the style. Having natural hair became a blessing for me. I wore my big natural hair without a care in the world. High-waisted jeans were back in style and my Timbs became a prized possession to me. Couldn’t nobody tell me that I wasn’t worth anything. I cried less and held up my middle finger more. I stopped caring about other people opinions. No one else is responsible for your happiness except you. Now I’m a social butterfly but I still do look at people like they stank and mean mug without actually meaning too. I stepped out of my comfort zone and that changed my life for the better. While finding myself I also found God and trust me he is my best friend. I no longer dress like a tomboy but if I don’t feel like slaying that day then sweats is definitely the move.
Yes, my real name is Darice but I go by Lyrae Tsunami. Lyrae Tsunami is my poetic name. I chose this name because a tsunami is a powerful storm consisting of waves. I want my words to be like a powerful storm and be able to destroy the mindset that suicide is the way to go. I want to help people find their voice so they don’t have to be out in the middle of the ocean, the world, alone. Storms come and go but there is always sunshine afterwards; make sure that you are here to see it. Don’t let people define you and don’t let society shape you. Be you and don’t worry about how people will view you. Be happy you only live once.
You can only be beautiful if you choose, not to be ugly. ~Ahlaam
But you ain’t ever gone be happy til you love yourz. ~J Cole
Love yourself, and learn to love, this thing called life. ~August Alsina
I am Lyrae Tsunami and this is my story.
Published by Lyrae Tsunami