The One

Read the original post on my blog.

Everyone has that one person who, for better or worse, changed their life forever. Unless you’re one of the few that met their soul mate in junior high or high school, you’ve gone through a few bad apples to find that special someone.

In my short 23 years, I have seen couples who met that criteria and couples who don’t. In my friend group, there are three married couples and another couple that are in a 5-year relationship. This is a very strange coincidence to have this many of high school sweethearts in one group consisting of a dozen or so people. Out of the four couples, two met in junior high and two met in high school. So, for me, I automatically thought that this was how the world worked. You either met someone in junior high, high school, or college and that was the person you ended up with.

Now, my high school was very small. My graduating class was the biggest the school had ever had (a record I’m sure has been surpassed), a whopping 78 individuals. Our top 10% consisted of 8 people, the majority of which were my friends. My prospects at this school were extremely limited, mostly because I couldn’t bring myself to date anyone and the boys in my group were already in relationships with my friends.

High school graduation came and went and I was thrust into college. I thought surely I would find my soul mate here, not that I was interested in getting my MRS Degree, but it would’ve been nice to kill two birds with one stone. I dated a few people in college, but none were the “one.”

The “one,” what an elusive idea. What is the “one”?  Well, good thing Urban Dictionary is here to tell us!

The “one”:

  1. absolutely, positively the only person on earth you are meant to be with; soul mate and best friend
  2. the person you know you’re going to love forever
  3. that annoying asshole from the matrix


So, basically, the “one” is the only person on this good green Earth that you belong with that can and will often be an annoying asshole, (the last part pretty much sums up guys, just kidding!).

This is where the idea of the “one” evades me. I’m not sure I buy into the notion that there is one person on this earth that you are meant to be with. People fall in love and out of love all of the time, what keeps people together is dedication, a willingness to sacrifice, and A LOT of hard work. Anyone who has ever been married will tell you that it’s not always sunshine, daisies, and unicorn farts. Sometimes it’s a stormy, rainy, dreary day in winter and really smelly farts.

At any point in time, a relationship can fail. It is the determination of those in the relationship that keeps it together. I have seen couples that I thought should have gotten a divorce stick it out and their relationship blossomed. But, what if they hadn’t stuck it out? It doesn’t mean that they weren’t right for each other, they were right for each other during that period of life. As life goes on, you either grow together or you grow apart.

If they hadn’t stuck it out, there would be another person, if they chose to remarry or try it out again, that would be just as wonderful in their eyes. They would think, This is the one, this is the one for whom my heart sings. I bet you 9 times out of 10 that they thought that about the first person.

When I got out of college without a ring on my finger and still able to truthfully dance to “Single Ladies,” I thought I had failed. I thought that my chance to find love had disappeared and was instead replaced with a degree instead of a marriage certificate. I stood next to three of my best girlfriends and watched as they got married, silently wondering to myself if I was ever going to have that experience.

The truth is, I don’t want that right now! No matter how wonderful it is to come home to someone every night who loves me unconditionally, I want different things right now. I have aspirations of traveling and writing, all things I want to accomplish on my own. If I happen to meet someone who seems like a good partner along the way, then that works. But for now, the “one” is simply myself (and God, can’t forget the Big Man).

Instead of actively searching for that one person and freaking out that I haven’t found him yet, I choose to go about my life day by day, trying to soak up the experiences that I come across. Who knows, maybe my future person is lost somewhere in Appalachia and, who knows, maybe I’ll find him there someday.

So, is there “one” person out there for everyone? I don’t think so. I think there is a person for every season. There are those who you needed to be the one so you could learn. You learned from them and they learned from you. I think you make someone the “one” by persistence, hard work, patience, and love.

Published by Mackenzie Winterowd

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