Killer cows with an abhorrence of classic rock

Killer cows with an abhorrence of classic rock

Aug 5, 2016, 3:45:08 PM Creative

Part of being a writer is seeing the impossible in the everyday and having an imagination like no tomorrow. This spans from creating entire lives around a stranger you passed, to presuming the world is ending for one odd reason or another.

The simplest everyday things can become a tale of lost love or new beginnings. The smallest detail can be the inspiration to a poem, short story, or even a novel.

Humor can sometimes be evoked from simple things as well. An example of that is what happened while I was jogging this morning... *Cue harp music as the scene changes*

There I am, alternating between walking and jogging on my road. I'm close to passing out and exhausted, but I finish my first mile and start the stretch for the second mile.

Keep in mind here that where I live, there are farms every couple blocks. You can't go far without breathing in manure or seeing a corn stalk.

I'm going on around the corner and I see that our one neighbor's cows are out. I'm a little surprised seeing as the cows usually like to hide back in their stalls out of the sun. Rather than ponder this long, I soon forget and slow to a walk to catch my breath.

I'm basically breathing like an idiot now, trying to get my lungs to expand so I can start jogging again.

As I walk, I grow closer to the cows. They must have heard me breathing like a lunatic or something because they're all staring at me. They're big brown, dewy, eyes are trained to me as if I'm lunch...

Like any rational person I give them a wave, smiling uneasily as I mutter, "Hi cows. You're cute."

They don't seem to like that and the one jumps as if it means to charge me.

So, disregarding my lack of breath, I get back into my jogging grove and hurry past. I know I'll have to pass them again, but this time I'll be on the opposite side of the road. I'm hopefully less likely to die that way.

The time comes to pass them and I spare a wary glance their way only to discover every single one is staring at me again... It's like something out of the shining.

As I waddle past them, a Red Hot Chili Peppers song playing in the background, their heads spin to watch me go. Fearing for my life again, I pick up speed until I'm past the edge of their fence and am on my final stretch home.

It's not until I reach this final stretch that the one cow starts mooing up a storm. You would have seriously thought I had spray painted obscene symbols on this cow's side because s/he's that angry. I don't know what I did!

As expressed earlier, I'm a rational human, so I've come to terms with the fact that this is the end of the world. The world is ending and the animals, specifically cows, are the first to lose it.

Keep your eyes out for coo coo cows who have an abhorrence for early morning joggers and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.


*Originally posted on my blog*

Published by Madison Uram

Comment here...

Login / Sign up for adding comments.