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I realized yesterday what day was
Ahead of me, and I was afraid that
I won't be able to sleep at night,
Because I'm never able to keep the
Nightmares at bay when I think of you,
But I didn't see you yesterday, even
Though my sleep was fitful, even
Though the anticipation of seeing you
Gave me a panic attack each time I
Woke up in the middle of the night,
But I didn't see you, because you are
Gone, you no longer exist, not for me,
And yet you do, you exist in the panic
Attacks that become frequent around
This time of the year, you exist in the
Fear I have to endure of facing you,
Even though I know I'll never have to,
But you exist, and yes, it's stupid to
Think about you when you're no longer
A part of my life, when you no longer
Have the power to hold my hand one
Minute, and constrict my throat the
Other, but you exist, you exist in the
Way my throat can still feel like
You're constricting it, you exist in the
Way I look in people's faces, and see
Them constricting my throat, and you
Exist in the way I panic when I can't
See in people's faces their hands
Constricting my throat.
So, what do I have to do to make you
Not exist any longer?
Published by Mahima Kapoor
7 years ago 
