One year ago today, we found out you would be joining us, little one. One year ago today a million questions and emotions raced through our minds. First big – sweeping thoughts: How did this happen so fast? Are we ready? Our lives are going to change so much! We have so much to do! Which room will be the nursery? How should we tell our families and friends? Then… more specific questions: Are you a boy or girl? What will your name be? What will you look like? Will you be a ginger like daddy? Big blue eyes? What will your personality be like? I had questions about me too: How will I look pregnant? Will I finally get the boobs I’ve always dreamed of? Will I be sick? What kind of aches and pains will I have? Can I handle this?
It was a Monday, and the day after Father’s Day, where we had spent a lovely day on the lake with family (enjoying a few vodka lemonades – oops!) I decided to come home from work at noon and finish up the afternoon at home, it was a quiet day at the office… plus I had a feeling something was up. I was a few days late for my period, but hadn’t really thought too much of it because I had just gone off of birth control. I had shared with a good friend of mine that morning that I thought maybe I was pregnant and I was going to take a test – must’ve been mothers intuition kicking in. My ribs had been hurting for about a week but I chalked it up to sleeping in a weird position or workouts. Casey was working from home and I told him I was going to take a test so while I went in, he sat anxiously in the living room waiting for me. It didn’t take long for the two pink lines to show up -and they were distinct, there was no guessing involved … so with tears of joy in my eyes, I walked out to share the news and all I could do was nod my head, yes. The next few moments were a little blurry – I think we both cried a little, hugged for a long time and let it fully sink in what was about to happen. I took another test a few minutes later, just to be sure and there they were again – two dark pink lines.
I truly believe what they say – that a woman becomes a mother the minute she finds out she is pregnant. I changed that day… in so many good ways. I became more cautious, patient, and thoughtful. It is so hard to believe that a full year has passed since those emotional few moments, and now you’re here sweet boy – and we cannot imagine our lives without you in them. Now we know the answers to all of those questions. We were ready (even though sometimes we still have to convince ourselves). You are a beautiful baby boy, with blond (possibly strawberry) hair, and big blue eyes. You look just like your daddy and have a smile that melts my whole heart. You surprise us everyday with what you are capable of and make us so proud.
I learned about myself being pregnant too. I learned that although my pregnancy wasn’t littered with morning sickness or terrible aches and pains – pregnancy was hard on me. I envy girls who love pregnancy and would do it again and again. I love you so much, and pregnancy was SO worth it to have you, but the process was not one that I loved, and I feel like that’s okay to admit. I know I am not alone in this either, I’ve had plenty of conversations with women who feel the same. And you know what? I will do it again… I already feel like I’m ready – even though we have a plan to wait a little bit. We want to wait so we can experience all of your firsts with you and give you all the sweet loving’ we have.
Thank you Dane Jacob for making me a mom, for showing me what real, true, unconditional love really is. Every single day is a roller coaster and I honestly can say I wouldn’t have it any other way. <3
wouldn’t have it any other way. <3
Published by Martha Herdendorf