You can always just reappear out of the blue and you’ll be there standing tall expecting me to jump right where we left off because you know I will always be there. No matter what you do, or what you say, I can always see that person you were when we used to hangout. You see, you are different with other people, but you are always that person who I knew when you’re with me. You weren’t that great, but you were all I had and I just learned to love all that came with you. Sometimes I wonder what went wrong, but I’ll always end up thinking it’s better this way. We both agreed that no matter how hard we try, things are different now. We were too worn out by each other’s bullshit. Sometimes I get sad thinking how much have changed, but I will always be thankful that it stopped.
The thing about you is that from the start I just knew you’re not gonna last. We’d always have the best day, like I’ve never been that happy ever, but weirdly, I’ll always come home and fall asleep thinking and reassuring myself that this can’t last forever. We were pretty happy but I always imagined you slowly fading away anytime even then. I even thought that it’s going to be unbearable when the time comes. But I just had too much practice anticipating the worst that when you actually decided to let things slip away, I surprisingly carried myself out pretty well. I took it wonderfully like it’s really bound to happen.
But how could I say no to someone who left a burning hole in my chest? I’m weirdly thankful that you left but I knew that I loved you too much because you caused me something that’s so damaging and it won’t be like that if I don’t. I remember how it felt like a part of my soul died whenever I think of you. I have loved and love people more than I’ve ever loved you, but you and only you who managed to secure your own spot in me and I just couldn’t do anything about it. I guess I will just always love you. And accept you. Even just for a day. Even whenever you just feel like it. You’ll always be you to me. I can never deny that. I can never not love you. And accept you. And hate you.
Published by Maru Mendoza