I HAVE AN ETERNITY AHEAD OF ME: VOL. 2 VICTORY!
(Intermittent Waves Recorded From The Transformed Heart Of A Woman)
AUNTIE YONNY: EPISODE 74
LIFE AFTER DEATH? Part 2
Rachel shed tears as she walked into the hospital room and saw Derek's lifeless body. -And, as she grew closer, she began to tremble and cry harder. The crying became a howling wail that shook her body to its core. Afraid for the child's safety, the nurse gently took David from her arms.
Those around her felt deeply for her, mistaking her devastation for the deep love and bond she had with her husband and the sadness of a newlywed bride who was now a widow. However, Rachel's tears did not spring from the fervent waters of lost love, nonetheless, they were earnest. She was overcome with what God had done. God had worked a miracle in her life. She had not asked to be delivered in such a horrendous way. Unlike Derek, her heart was not filled with resentment, contempt, and hatred, but, she belonged to a Father who protects His own. When someone dares to stand in the way of God's plans, when they stand in the way of justice, righteousness, and holiness, God must move them out of the way.
Rachel knew where her deliverance had come from. It hadn't just come from a bullet. It was God who had delivered her and her son out of the hand of the enemy. Her tears were earnest, in that, she grieved for the loss of an opportunity; not an opportunity for herself, but, Derek's opportunity and those who are lost like Derek. So, she shed tears for his soul, which could no longer seek redemption in this life.
Matthew 6:14-15 King James Version
14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Upon her heart was written God's Word and by her love for God, Rachel was compelled to obey. Rachel forgave Derek, and through her forgiveness, she was forgiven by God. Yes, Rachel's DELIVERANCE came by way of forgiveness; forgiving a man who had misused and abused her; forgiving a man who despised her enough to try to kill her and her child. Yet, she wept for him. Seeing him breathless upon the bed, he was like any other man created by God. There was no reason to fear him, now, but, had there ever been a reason, if she had not strayed away from God?
She remembered the kindness Derek had shown her. Was it all an act to lure her in to his arms and get back at Hal, who possessed money that he felt rightfully belonged to him? Derek had learned how to go through the motions of kindness, love, patience, and forgiveness, as if they came natural. Was he just a good liar and actor, or, was there something else at play, that even he was unaware of? Rachel had often wondered in the past why God allowed the Devil to mimic Him?
"Why couldn't I identify the false light in Derek?" She asked herself. "What...what did I see in him that allowed me to trust him? Was there some good in him? There had to be, or, that would mean that there is something truly wrong with me."
Rachel wondered if she had allowed herself to wade so deep in the quagmire of darkness that she had become filled with darkness, pain, and anger. Then, it occurred to her why God had allowed their relationship to take place. They both were in pain and in need of healing, but, in the end, Derek's pride had won. Pride had kept him from seeing that he was capable of being all the good things that he pretended to be, if only he would surrender his will to God. Yes, Derek was capable of doing good, but, he didn't understand why. He didn't understand why a human being believing that they are unattached to God, who IS GOOD, is capable of doing good. He didn't understand that all good was created by God and is part of God. He didn't understand why God continued to give him the opportunity and chance to embrace the goodness he experienced and to embrace Him. He didn't understand that when God created, He pronounced His creation as good. However, God's love for man, provided man with freewill and with freewill, man chose to corrupt himself.
Weakened from the emotions that controlled her body, Rachel fell to her knees, clinging to the railing of the bed. She knew that if it hadn't been for the Grace of God, it could have been her lying dead in that bed. She had been spared. David and Hal had been spared. Remembering Zenobia, still badly injured and fighting for life, pain and grief wrenched her heart, making her cry out again, sobbing uncontrollably. It was as if she was releasing the pain and heartache built up for months. Several nurses and agents tried to lift her up from the floor, but, she clung to the bedrail, her knees sprawled out beneath her, entrenched in her gulf of intense realization of God's Grace and Mercy.
Deliverance has its effect upon the mind, body, and spirit. It reaches deep down within your soul to pull out everything that is trying to keep you in bondage. It reaches down and you can feel it grab a hold of those feelings and memories that made you feel ashamed, guilty, dirty, hopeless, less of a person, and unidentifiable as a Child of God.
Those around Rachel thought she was clinging to Derek's dead body, but, Rachel was clinging to the Life she had found once again. She was thanking God in the only way that she knew how to and was able to do within her time of Deliverance. She was unable to mutter a word, but, no words were necessary. God understood her heart. God understood her tears and the moans and groans that distressed her weakened body.
No one can choose their time of grieving; for, unlike sadness, grieving has a season. It is a season when the living must come to terms with not only death, but, with life. Their understanding and definition of life must be adjusted to take in consideration uncontrollable loss. Grieving is a process that delivers us from the finality of sadness. God takes us through a situation or state of mind in order to bring us out in a revived and fruitful state of mind and being.
Rachel did not choose her time of grieving. It did not come simply because of Derek Graves' death. Rachel had suffered numerous losses through mind, body, and spirit. Although, Derek intended to do harm and evil to Rachel, God had allowed Derek to come into her life to free her in a way that nobody else could. Thus, Rachel grieved. She grieved for Derek and prayed for his soul. She grieved for others she had loss, and the loss faith and identity stolen by the enemy to steal her away from her Heavenly Father, Holiness and Righteousness.
So, why do some people grieve longer than others? Have they lost more? Are they weak? Do they suffer from depression or some other illness? How can we help those who are grieving? What does God want them to learn within the process of grieving? -Life after death.
Our understanding of life and our life as it relates to God determines how death will effect us. If we perceive that life is all about us, we will take death very personally, unable to see the entire picture, unable to walk by Faith and not by sight, unable to move on, unable to have joy, and unable to live life abundantly. Once again, a veil of lies convinces us that we cannot live life without someone we love and our life will never be the same again. The lie fails to include God and God's plan for us and our loved ones, because the enemy wants us to concentrate on us to tear us away from the healing love of God. The enemy doesn't want us to be healed. Our pride doesn't want us to be healed. We want to use our love for the bereaved person as a replacement for their absence and give ourselves martyrdom for the sacrifice we are making by grieving for them.
God does not intend for us to live a life of grief when He has promised us abundant and everlasting life. Grieving should deliver us into the realization of what life and death is. Grieving should help us to understand the path and journey of living The Truth, The Way, and The Life. Without a mortal death, we cannot receive God's Promise of everlasting life. If one is abiding in Jesus, then, there is an example and an understanding that death is not the final curtain. Grieving should bring us to the revelation of New Life. However, if your faith is waning, if grief has brought you to hopelessness and despair, where each day you buy into the lies of the enemy, that grief is the way to express your love for someone you've lost, then, you will miss your deliverance and continue to stand helplessly in grief.
Grieving should not take the place of our faith and trust in God to provide for us and fill our lives with unspeakable joy. Grieving was not meant to be an act of selflessness or sacrifice. Grieving was not meant to be used to prove our love for someone. This is unhealthy mentally, physically, and spiritually. If grieving is all about you, then, you are spiritually ill. Each day, we are to die daily in the flesh and live in the spirit, walking by faith. If you cannot see your life as being abundant and blessed, your grieving will not change things.
Grieving brings out Truth that is within us, or, absent from us. Your ship's anchor will either hold fast to the Solid Rock, or, you will find yourself sinking or adrift. God allows grieving in hope that it brings us closer to Him. As our loving Father, He wants to comfort us and heal our broken heart. Can God do this? This is the deciding question that answers how long we grieve. Will we surrender, go to God to be comforted and healed, knowing that He is the answer to our grief, knowing that He can do all things? -Or, are we afraid of change because we don't want to face Truth? -Has pity and sympathy become a drug or an excuse to dull our senses? Then, there are many people who grieve that feel that they must continue to suffer or they are betraying the person that they lost. On the contrary, they are betraying God, who has promised never to leave them and has planned a life filled with continued blessings and love, if they will only have faith and trust Him.
Have you created an idol in your heart? Grieving allows us to see the treasures of our heart. Who or what do you treasure most in your heart? If you continue to grieve for long periods of time, you must check your heart. Is God there and do you love Him will all of your heart, soul, and mind? If your life cannot go on without grieving, this is questionable. Is Jesus the center of your joy? If you are constantly steeped in sadness, this too, is questionable. Have you put your all upon the alter for God to take control of your problems? -Or, do you choose to hold on to your sorrow and pain? Do you believe in The Truth, The Way, and The Life? Then, you must live it with Jesus for there is Life after death.
MATTHEW 22:37 KJV "Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind."
Has your religion or worldly ideology taught you to practice false doctrine, as relating to grieving, whereas you must perform rituals, procedures and go through certain stages and processes that burden you and place you in bondage to grief, sorrow, and pain, opening the doors of darkness to step into your life? Do these rituals and practices eradicate or omit the power and promises of God? Are you waiting for man to heal you, when nothing is impossible for God?
Has pride set in, embedding itself so deeply within your flesh, that you must now use street drugs or prescription medications to manage your grief? Can you humble yourself and surrender all to God? Can you allow Him to break you and make you over again? Can you, will you, love the Lord thy God more than the flesh and the world? Will you walk by Faith in the Spirit? You see, it's about God and once you see that this is where your grief is meant to take you, His unconditional love will wipe away your tears and remove all doubts and fears, for there is life after death...abundant and everlasting life.
When your grief opened the door to darkness, did you become bitter, angry, irritated, frustrated?! Were you angry at yourself or were you angry at God? Were you angry at the person you loved for dying? Did you want to have revenge, but, there was no one you could readily blame for the loss in your life, so, you choose scapegoats, that is, anyone within your path of anger? Are you hard to get along with now? Do you take out your anger on others or yourself, choosing to continue to suffer? Does it work? Do you abuse others mentally, physically, or emotionally and sometimes don't know why, but, you feel you have to? Are you violent, trying to scratch an itch that you can never reach?
Loss can be explained in various ways and produces various reactions and behaviors, because of how we perceive life and death. Those suffering from a loss of identity, dignity, self-worth, and love, all go through a grieving process that is determined by their understanding of life, death, and God.
Crimes are committed by those who are in pain, suffering from loss, and unattached to God. Void of understanding, they perceive life in a way that can only be explained by death. If they already feel the lack or loss of life, then how can they be alive? How can they live? What makes life worth living? To them, there is no life after death, for they haven't even found life in the here and now. Society creates such people by depriving them of equality, respect, compassion, empathy, and quality of life.
Sometimes a person can become so grossly covered in sin that they see no way out. Their iniquity has become layers of dead skin upon their body. They begin to feel dead inside for they have lost their identity. Their life has little meaning or value to them, nor do the lives of others. They interact with people on a superficial basis. If they are poor, they are the untouchables and the disenfranchised. If they are rich, they are the shallow and hollow. Yet, they share a common grave, for they are the walking dead.
Is there no hope for them? Are they beyond lost? Do we simply wait until breath has left their body and lend a hand by throwing dirt upon their grave?
When he boarded the helicopter, Borgya was in a daze. His head was hurting and all he could think about was having a drink of vodka. He was glad Derek was dead and glad to be back with his comrades. Irritated that he hadn't gotten the chance to pull the trigger, he sat pouting like a little boy.
They had robbed him of the chance to avenge his father's death. He should have been the one to kill Derek. He knew that it was his Uncle Priest's doing to send someone else to do the job. They were simply following orders. He could never forgive himself for not acting sooner and killing Derek when he had the chance. Waiting for him to finish his speech had been too much of a risk and caused him to lose his opportunity.
Frustrated, Borgya began removing bullets from his gun and playing with it, for lack of being able to blame the person responsible for his frustration. Just like the other soldiers, he could never go over his Uncle Priest's orders and he knew it. Trying to strike out on his own had been a bad idea and risked exposing everyone within their organization. His uncle would have a lot to say to him about that, when he saw him. Borgya grimaced thinking about the consequences of his behavior, but, he didn't really care. His father was dead. Thinking about his loss filled him with anger and rage and he didn't know how to move on beyond that point.
Published by Michelle T. Kenner