Oct 21, 2021, 6:19:18 PM Religion



(Intermittent Waves Recorded From The Transformed Heart Of A Woman)



James 4:17

“Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.”

When Rachel awoke, she was surrounded by darkness. There was a feeling inside of her that made her stay within the darkness in order to try and figure out what was going on, so, she kept her eyes closed. Through her senses she felt the environment around her and the bed that she was lying upon. She knew that she wasn't at home. -But, where was home? She hadn't felt at home for quite some time. She had gone from her apartment to Derek's bed, then, into a hospital bed. She realized that neither had really been comfortable for her. At the time, she knew that it was wrong for her to live with Derek, when they were unmarried. It had been uncomfortable for her. The bed beneath her was uncomfortable, and judging from the feel of the mattress she was lying upon, she could tell that it was a hospital bed. Memories of the previous day began flooding her mind, but, the feeling inside of her kept the darkness and heavy weight of the memories at bay.

What was this feeling, she began to wonder? Had she felt it before? It was a familiar feeling, but, so much more. Had the doctor drugged her? Was this the effect of some mind-altering, potent drug? The last thing she remembered was Dr. Matthews at her side, prying her fingers from the bedrail and wrapping his arms around her. He had been the one to finally get her off of the floor and comfort her. Then, he had ordered a mild sedative. She remembered the needle going into her arm and the last words that she heard him say...Holy Spirit, please comfort her. Father, give her peace. 

It had been Dr. Matthews at the center of the argument when she arrived at the hospital. It seemed that he was not in agreement with the other doctors. He wanted to operate right away to try and save Derek's life. The other doctors knew that Derek wouldn't make it, but, Dr. Matthew's faith never allowed him to give up so easily. -And when a patient died, He knew that that wasn't the end of it. There was the family and loved ones to think about and pray for. So, Dr. Matthews did for Rachel what he would want someone to do for him in his time of need and grieving. He showed her unconditional love and prayed for her. Rachel was thankful for Dr. Matthews and thankful to God for always putting someone in her path to help her.


No, Rachel told herself. Her mind was clear. The sedative had worn off, but, there was a full feeling in her lungs that seemed to radiate throughout her body. She breathed in and exhaled, but, the feeling was still there. 

Suddenly, she remembered. Derek is dead. A chill went through her body, but did not linger there for long. Rachel knew that Derek had been flirting with death for most of his life. -And by rejecting God, he had given his life over to death, which only waited for the right moment to claim him. 

"Why did I think I could love and cohabitate with darkness?" Rachel asked herself. She was on the verge of self-blaming and wallowing in the thick, muddy waters of regret, when she felt a quickening inside of her, God's way of making His presence known.

God was not going to let her wallow in blame, guilt, shame, self-pity, or regret. He knew that in Rachel's mind, the new responsibility of providing and caring for a child had brought fear. God knew that having lost her parents at a young age, Rachel feared being unloved. Her breakup with Hal had opened old wounds. She gave in to the fear that escaped, resulting in her wanting to control her feelings and her life to protect herself from further and future harm.

Yet, God knew the reason why Rachel, like other sinners, had failed to do right, although, they knew the right thing to do. God knew that fear had been able to settle into Rachel's life, because, she lacked identity in Christ, therefore, she could not fully abide and live in Truth. Whereby, living in Truth, one is capable of loving unconditionally, being holy, righteous, steadfast and unmovable, loving God with all their heart, soul, and mind. In Truth, one not only knows The Way, one knows how to live The Life. Like most Believers, who fall into sin, Rachel believed she could live The Life, because, she had knowledge of The Way. Yet, she failed to do right as shown by The Way because she lacked Truth, hidden from her, because she could not identify herself in Christ. Without the knowledge of who we are in Christ, even if only temporarily forgotten, or, misplaced, we cannot continue to abide in Holiness and Righteousness. When we starve the Spirit in order to feed the flesh, we acquire an illness that only God can heal.

Without taking on the character and identity of Christ, knowing that God is enough and that through Christ you are enough, you fall to temptations believing something or someone else can fulfill your needs. Without the full realization that you are forgiven through Christ, you continue to carry around guilt and shame, finding only yourself to blame. Without the full realization that you are loved through the love that Christ and God have for us, you continue to seek false love that is unfulfilling and harmful to one's being. 

Rachel had no intention of turning her back on God, however, fear and rejection led her to disbelief and a lack of faith, which in turn led her into darkness. Her eyes slipped into staring at her worldly needs forgetting that they should be upon Heavenly things, whereas, all else will be added. Believing she alone knew what was best for her child, she overlooked the presence of God, and failed to acknowledge that her child belonged to God.

Still, God not only knew Rachel's past, He knew her future and His plans for her future, something darkness can never see. Therefore, its efforts are in vain, for God chooses who to bless and thereby gave Rachel Grace, Mercy, Love, and Peace. In time, God would provide the means by which Rachel would come to understand herself and forgive herself, realizing that there was a reason for her trials and tribulations.

As a result of the quickening, Rachel's instincts, along with the feeling in her breasts, began to alert her mind to her priorities. She could feel her breasts starting to produce milk.

"David! Where is by baby?" She thought. 

Rachel's eyes sprung open to glaring light. The nurse had turned the lights on to get David a bottle. David made little fussy noises as the nurse carried him in her arms, gently rocking him. 

"Thank God," she whispered. Rachel sighed, closed her eyes, and returned to her thoughts. "This...feeling..."

She didn't know how to describe it, so, she could only call it a feeling. -But, why was she feeling this way? Had she exhausted her mind and body, causing physical harm to herself?

"No, I'm not in pain. I don't even feel exhausted. Am I depressed? Could this be a symptom of depression, perhaps, Postpartum Depression?" 

Rachel had dealt with depression before. As a child, after her parents' death, doctors had told her grandmother, aunt, and uncle, whom she lived with, that her moody behavior was because of depression. Could she be depressed now, because of Mr. Siegfried's death, Derek's death and everything else that had happened? It was certainly a possibility and more than likely, a probability. Yet, this...feeling...seemed to have the power to override any feelings of sorrow or depression. Any fear was no longer present within her. She knew that something so powerful and capable of removing fear and sorrow could only come from God.

Then and there, in that moment of realization, connection, and identity, in the way that they often communicated with one another, a song began to flow through Rachel's heart--a song that she knew could only come from her Heavenly Father--a song with words that would tell her what she needed to know. -And, as the words and music played within her, there came with it an understanding, an understanding that she was at peace. Yet, this peace...this feeling...was unlike any peace that she had felt before, which explained why she could only call it--a feeling. This peace from God surpassed all understanding. 

Rachel smiled, within and without, through and through...feeling at peace. She knew that she could relax and not worry about anything. David was in good hands, not just because of the well-qualified nurse, who attended to his needs, but, because he was in God's hands. She realized how important it was for her to know that her child was safe and well-taken care of. This led her to think about how important it must be for God to know that his children are safe and well-taken care of. -And because of this, God had delivered them out of the hands of darkness. He had calmed the storm around them. He had claimed them as His own. He had spoken the words, Peace Be Still and comforted her by filling her with His Peace. 

Rachel pulled the blanket up close around her shoulders and nestled her head into the pillow beneath her. At that moment, she was wanting to do nothing else--nothing else, but, to enjoy this new Peace she had found with God. She thought about calling Hal, but, that could wait. Surely, he had gotten news of Derek's death. For now, she just wanted time alone with God. Tucked snuggly in bed, she began talking with her Father, in a way that only His Peace can bring.

Author: Horatio Gates Spafford (1873)


When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

when sorrows like sea billows roll;

whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul. 


It is well with my soul,

it is well, it is well with my soul.


Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

let this blest assurance control,

that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

and hath shed his own blood for my soul.


My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!


And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

even so, it is well with my soul.


Published by Michelle T. Kenner

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