I came upon a revelation a few hours ago, of an impending event that may impact the course of my life. Naturally, even when I sense such, that is without any revelation, I’d normally pray about it, asking for the untoward to be averted, or for the desired to be hastily manifested. This particular one happens to be adversarial, and it hasn’t really taken me unawares because in some very queer way, it had been long in coming. Interestingly, I’d come across a piece in recent times, explaining the phenomenon of AMOR FATI, though I had been living the stoic life without particularly wanting to find the phrase associated with it.
I had allowed several dramatis personae to play whatever role they deem necessary and appropriate in bringing about the present condition into place, without as much as countering such actions, nor the implications, and like sheep before the slaughter, done very little to alter events as to the saving of my self from what is to come. You’d think I am assured of a palatable thereafter, for which drinking this vinegar is but only a pathway to, unfortunately that future remains as uncertain as when and if I worked to prevent, thwart or nip this eventuality in the bud. Doubting that I’d have another opportunity to leave my fate in the hands of others, and yet prepare to love and accept the outcome, with the believe that all things will work out for good, I elected to see how things go this time, thinking that experiments regarding life, requires experience that can only be performed and partaken of whilst alive, especially when one still has the capacity and presence of mind to weather storms, though I’m not unaware that happenstances are no respecter of age.
If things go according to their plan, it will appear before them, a loss for me. Indeed I envisage that it will be a loss for me, but in the short term. They will celebrate a victory in that they’d have achieved their hearts desires concerning me, only that in so doing they’d have also set in motion what I believe will open a vista that I’d been very reluctant to peruse for fear of the unknown. I’d been in this position before, though the stakes were not as high as this, and though hardship persisted only a while, I made a recovery that left the memories of the hiatus that followed difficult to retrieve, such that till date I can only recall my itinerary in the succeeding months in bits.
Interestingly, in the many times I’d expected the worst, things hardly ever get there. So much so that day more frequently outpaced the descent of the night into its darkest literally. I fear though, that this time around, things might have become irreparably irredeemable, such that what must be done, must be, and there’ll be no escaping the sword of Damocles except by divine intervention to change the course of things that have already been set into motion. Even my most optimistic self have surrendered my neck to the guillotine seeing that it’d be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for what’s gone already to be reversed. Whichever way things go, the victory for me will be the lessons to be learnt in and of human nature, and how the only way to avoid the pitfalls in the career of the rat race of life, is to shed all weight to become even lighter than a feather, in essence to levitate, just like a God.
Maybe there’s no such thing as that one purpose in life for a man, for each one of us to aspire to. I have often wondered why it is that people associate so called “purpose“, only to such things as they are successful in, especially as regards physical and material things. Even when they claim it is spiritual, a closer inspection of the characteristics of the evidence that abounds, lie in the physical and material things such spiritual exercise would’ve enabled or procured. Maybe in the end, the one who will find joy, true joy be the one who has learnt to LOVE HIS/HER FATE, regardless of the characteristics, either of the untoward and fractious, or of the fortunate and triumphant. In giving myself over to fate this time around, only time will prove if I’d made the right decision or not, as I ponder over the future that’s determining the past that’s currently my present.
Published by m'khail madukovich