One Battle at a Time

There are days I swear I’m on top of the world.

Those are the days where I feel like I’ve won, where nothing can stop me, and those are the days where I feel like my future and my past are completely separate entities.

The problem is, those days don’t last.

Those days are few and far between, and when they do come, they are followed by a quick and steep crash.

My emotions engulf me, they drag me back down, and it’s like I’m struck head on by a freight train, that is my reality.

It’s then that I’m reminded that I can’t runaway from my problems – they will always be with me.

Always.

Always…Oh how I love, and hate that word.

“I will always love you.”

“I will always be there for you.”

“I will always support you.”

I love it.

“You will always remember what happened to you.”

“You will always carry your past with you.”

“You will always be imperfect.”

I hate it.

But sometimes I forget that there’s a little more to it than that.

“I will always remember what happened to me, but that will keep me grounded.”

“I will always carry my past with me, but that’s what makes me who I am.”

“I will always be imperfect, so I will always work to be better.”

Sometimes I get so caught up in a moment, it’s as though I forget that there’s so much more to my life than the last few steps I’ve taken, and the few that lay before me.

As though the journey I’ve gone through thus far is nonexistent, and the adventure that lies ahead isn’t a reality.

But it is.

These past few months have trapped me.

They’ve consumed my mind, body and soul, and the darkest part of my mind has swallowed me whole.

The worst part is, that it knows exactly how to hit me where it hurts.

It drains me of my energy, it removes my desire to write, to draw, to express myself, and to create. It strips me of my passion, and suppresses my joy.

And it is at those low points that I have to use all of my energy to break free.

Lately I haven’t been winning, but today I did.

Tomorrow I may lose again.

But for right now I am winning. I am fighting. I am here. I am strong.

Today I am a warrior.

Today I have won the battle.

-Natalia Camarena