“Ok , what do you do with the Hot Dogs you dont sell at the end of the day?”
“We throw them out”
“Ok , instead of waiting until the end of the day to do that , why not just throw one out now, into my mouth”
-Michael J Scott (The US office episode where Michael leaves his wallet”
Before we start , Never discount the effects of a cheap ass sushi plate in terms of digestive health.
As i sit in Bed after feeling the aftermath of a little bit of …..erm , evacuation of the tunnel from heavily discounted sushi ( who puts Chicken Tikka with sushi anyways by the way) with that lovable reduced sticker, i thought i may as well update the blog every other day , im sure the most riveting thing you would like to read is my daily motions of get up , go to the bathroom , do my work , do something completely mundane then eat my usual oats and eggs and go nap nap. so i may pick out the most juiciest bits.
It has been a massive struggle yesterday and today , dont get me wrong , ive literally sat in bed rolling around in sheer agony craving an expensive Latte , craving a massive bowl of Ramen with all the Ginger ( yo Sushi £2.20 challenge coming up) , but its bearable. Its like a detox from greed , you see things so much different , if that makes sense. (I sound like Paris Hilton , woe is me) , i know this sounds very 1st world , but living in England where the price of living compared to other countries in reality is kinda expensive, the way the world works you could be a higher class mogul in Romania then move to New York and be on the same page as everyone else. Weird thought innit.
So anyways being a part of the Northumbria Pro Wrestling society i managed to get hooked up with Free Tickets to WhatCulture Prowrestling’s first TV taping’s at Warehouse 34 in Byker. I truly cannot explain how good the scene is nowadays , Having El Ligero , Big Damo , Noam Dar , Jason Prime , Rampage Brown and Joe Hendry on a card is majestic enough , but having Jay Lethal on a card is absolutely ridiculous. £3 at the start of the year to make friends and get stash is an investment in itself (if you’re in Uni and you’re not in a society of something you have massive interest in , y u do dis to yourself?). Free stuff is sooooo my bag at the moment.
So yeah that was free , and absolutely SIIIIIIIIICK.
I opened up a specific twitter account specifically for Twitter comps , and out of 202 competition RT to enter thingamagigamy’s i have aquired : A free Heart disease booklet and a packet of South African Bilitong. WINNING THE SYSTEM YERRRRSSSSS (THANKS DAD I KNEW I WOULD BE A SUCCESS!) You can make jokes but when i live to be 120 heart disease free living in a Jetsons style future version of Johannesburg , who will be laughing then?!
Such competition entries included a colouring book , some Jerk seasoning and a standard Tupperware tub , i honestly think ill never have to work again #Blessed. I also got 100 survey points away from entering a competition to win a £2 boots voucher (embrace the butthurt that im smashing life so well pls).
At the moment im coping ever so slightly . But its four days in , and no discounting in 10 days ill be having dreams about swimming in a river full of Five Guys Cheeseburgers and Burton shoes. I do miss a good splurge on meaningless materialistic tat, and oats and rice is starting to really suck.But , its kinda cool to appreciate little things.
Really enjoying this blogging lark too , its kinda like a diary except i cant really talk about my Rated R fantasies on here ( which involve two rubber ducks and a plastic cup). I jest of course.
And i really appreciate the support from everyone by the way , articles on cheap Latte’s , shares of the blog and other things is siiiick (shouts to Olivia , Josephine , Becky and Adam, love you long time).
Tips ive gathered from this 4 days of eventful stuff :
Feel no shame in putting 65p milk back because its way overpriced , even though you couldnt haggle the guy down to your last 60p (IT WAS 5P WHY DID YOU BE SO MEAN?! )
Separate your emails when doing free little comps , takes two minutes to make a new email and it keeps stuff straight.And be that annoying person who enters all the comps , could win something weird and just Ebay it.
No refined sugar is the key to ever apparent cheekbones . also Egg whites and walking 10k a day.
Dont be ashamed to take pepper sachets from burger king because peppering your chicken at home is much healthier.
Uncle Ben’s rice does not taste any different from Supermarket own rice, behave.
If you drink VOSS water that you bought yourself , who trusted you to leave the house by yourself? its 2.69 for the same as your tap , dont even get it twisted.
Do something to take your mind off money (MASSIVE TIP) i got so tied up thinking expensive stuff is the key to keeping myself entertained , tonight i set myself the arduous task of mastering a speed bag in 5 days , keep your mind pre occupied , boredom is not the way to live. Money can get boring i guess.
Bag of rice : £2.27 , Pasta sauce :36p , Chicken thighs rrp £2.20 ( i know a place) ; 3 days equals just under a fiver. Or just
Costs of days 3 and 4 :
Garlic Bread : 9p , Two tubs of country mushroom soup :18p , small intestine rotting Sushi ; 54p , fish fingers :60p , weird Carb thing £1 (money left from original total of 17 : 9.67)
Free perks : Biltong , heart disease booklet (HEART HEALTH IS PRICELESS DAMMIT IM WINNING) and what culture pro wrestling tickets.
Haggles : failed attempt to get milk down to 60p from 65p (it was the only money i had :() (you ask : why did you put this in here? Why did you do that? its shocking you mug! …………. for proof of how far im taking this stuff! )
Plans : establish next 30 day challenge , start writing thesis , enter more 30 minte painful surveys (why do i keep getting asked which cable company i use? ) to pay for rice and cheap fish.Try at least to get a mystery shopper jobbie.
Final thought: How many calories must a whale eat per day to maintain its slender figure? Answer : 164,000 for a female , and 234,00o for a male , upwards to 500,000 calories.
Whilst you work for the man , i sit at home finding obscure facts about whales to further my understanding of things that may never matter in our lives earning nothing but pub quiz trivia.
Deal with it.
Yours in Massive Macrocycles of mammals
Published by Nathan Barnes