The following is a revised letter which was written on my personal blog last year:
Dear everyone who has ever inquired about the "boyfriend",
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single young woman raised in a conservative homeschooled family, must be in want of a husband. Over the past several years I’ve noticed an increase in concern on this area of my life, so I wish to address it now.
First off, yes I do want to get married and raise children. Having a family of my own has always been desirable. Please don’t misunderstand the purpose of my post here. Realize that by my age my great-grandmother was writing to her sweetheart overseas, and my grandmother, mother, and sister were married… so by familial standards I am lagging without even a first date on my hands. But you know what? I’m not worried about it. This is life. It’s not a competition.
Since my lack of worry seems to encourage others to try to take matters into their own hands, I have compiled the following reasons why I believe I do not need a boyfriend:
1. Aint Nobody Got Time
Seriously though. I’m too busy. Case closed.
2. My Life is More than a Relationship Status
Here’s the thing, I am a lot of things besides single. It often bothers me when people ask if I’m dating someone before asking other, more important, questions about my life. You can learn a lot about me by my line of work, current studies, beliefs, and interests. I somehow fail to see how the presence or absence of a boyfriend changes who I am as a person. If/when I do settle down, I will take on my husband’s identity in a way. Until then though, his absence does not have a claim on who I am. My identity lies elsewhere.
3. Being Single Doesn't Mean I'm "Incomplete"
I'm afraid this may sound like a very feminist statement, which is not my intention. I say this though because it is often implied that I’m missing out on something; as if I’m not living life fully since I’m not sharing it with a special someone.
Perhaps they think that a boyfriend will encourage me to slow down my life pace and change my priorities. Even if that were the case, it is simply changing how I live my life, it will not make it any more real or complete.
4. I’m A Realist, Not A Princess
For the girl who loves wearing dresses, dancing, and everything British, I’m not much of a romantic. My future relationship is going to be everything but perfect. If nothing else, it will have problems because I will be a part of it. Fact is, he won’t be perfect either. If dating and marriage is anything like what I’ve observed from the wonderful couples in my life, then it will be the merging of two scarred and broken people. Yes, we will love, grow, and sharpen each other. And with this sharpening, growth, and love will come pain, heartache, disappointment, and sacrifice.
It’s not about finding the right guy, having a wedding, or even being the help-meet that I was designed to be. There is beauty in marriage, glorious beauty. But it won’t come from me or from him.
There is only one relationship that defines me. Only one person who holds my past, present, and future, who has a claim to my time, energy, heart and mind. There is only one love that can fulfill, complete, and satisfy. There is only one bond that can bind me and another broken sinner in a union of beauty. Only one way that leads to “happily ever after.” And that is Christ. In family, friendships, dating and even marriage, He must be my center, my purpose, and my goal.
Really, the only justification I have for ever pursuing a relationship is if:
- It will strengthen my relationship with my Savior while better carrying out my ministry and service for the Kingdom.
- It will strengthen his relationship with his Savior while better carrying out his ministry and service for the Kingdom.
Until it becomes clear that this is the situation, I am perfectly satisfied remaining in my lot. Even if it means that I never have a boyfriend or husband.
Often I know people are just teasing, which is fine. We all need some lighthearted fun now and then. But in all seriousness, because I know people sometimes wonder, don’t worry about my love life. As long as I’ve lived for Christ, I have lived life to the fullest with complete joy lacking nothing.
Published by Naylen Feria