There are a couple of things that I have learnt since becoming a twin mum. The first is that the simplest of every day tasks can become an almost impossibility. The second without fail something will go wrong! Simply put that is why this year I have found myself replicating a turtle cross snail and very rarely leaving the comfort zone of my house!
So when you do manage to get out of the house and achieve something small, you almost feel like the moment you get home there should be a massive surprise and welcome home party for you because…. you survived going to the shops!!! People are going to throw streamers and balloons will fall from the roof and…..ok you get my drift it’s a really big achievement!!!
But anyone who knows me will know I have a massive attraction for tiny little f*ck ups !! Add to that the over all exhaustion that comes with being a twin mum mixed with double or nothing post baby brain and whamo I am pretty much an under-functioning human….well more so!
This became apparent just the other day when the “critical” state of my adult life was highlighted by a never ending range of disasters which really is a day in the life of being a twin mum…..attempting to live again.
So fresh faced with the confidence of having an Au Pair by my side I thought we would head off on an adventure to the shops! The first (and probably biggest) lesson I learnt for the day was don’t ever enter Aldi without a trolley or you will get caught out trying to drag 2 baby rocking chairs around the store with twins in toe.
From there it was onwards and upwards to the next set of shops! Attempting to be an “I’ve got my shit together mum” I am decided that we would stop in at the coffee shop at the shops, warm the boys bottles, feed them and grab a coffee then head off to spotlight for some browsing at which time the boys would fall nicely asleep in the pram and we’d have a wonderful afternoon shopping!
Ok this is what actually happened. We get into coffee shop, order hot water and coffee and while heating the bottle up every single staff member thought they would come and “look” at the twins who rapidly went from i’m hungry to imitating some sort of dragon from Harry Potter! Hysteria now upon us we attempted to feed my children in the pram while they were trying to get out of it all while pretending that the ear piercing noise was not my responsibility! Without finishing the coffees we hastily retreated from the cafe leaving a trail of hearingless people and decided to quickly duck into Howards Storage world…rookie error #3000.
all i wanted was a costume from Spotlight
30 minutes later after yet another story on the life cycle of someone else’s child we were searching to find a way out! An overly excited mother was enlightening us with the story about how I wouldn’t understand how bad a sleeper her 4 month old was (turned out her child was now 17) but finally I managed to find an out thanks to a monumental break down from hunt-dawg and we were free! Now it was back to out shopping, via a quick pee break!
Turns out I had no idea where the toilet was and made a call to duck into Harvey Norman and use there’s (I know I am THAT person!!), while mini monsters screamed the place down. Once again I got caught out and made the error of judgment and commented on a couch I like! Why is it that sales staff are never available when you need but when you are trying to decoy your way to the toilet they are 2 a penny to sell you a lounge suit.
Finally 20 minutes later, relieved bladders and no new lounge and we were finally on our way to Spotlight with 2 sleepy kids and all was looking up! That was until an hour later when we left spotlight only to return to my car to discover that the car I saw from a distance that looked like mine, but couldn’t be because the care door was open……was infact my car…..and I’d left the car door open…… in the carpark……for 2 hours! #faceplant
If that wasn’t enough, a very stressful screaming night of twins and I found myself sitting on the couch with one being rocked by my foot and one in my arms when I realised it was time to collect the pizza! With confidence I managed to give one kid to the Au Pair while floor baby slept and off I leapt with excitement to get my food! It was only 5 minutes later half way to the pub to get my pizza that it occurred to me that I was in my pjs! And I’m not just talking trackies I’m talking all out Lion King pink shorts!
Upon pulling up outside the pub on the apparently busiest Thursday night of the millennium i find myself with no alternative other than to hold my head high and stride through the pub in PJs to get my food! And yes of course there was a whole table of young fella’s looking at me like did that nanna wear her pjs to the pub….yup that’s me!
You see…..some days you can do nothing but laugh…..other days you do nothing but cry, either way the challenges of being a twin mumma extend to every aspect of your daily functioning life and sometime the littlest hills seem like impossible mountains!
Published by Nicky Ainley