I'm twenty-five and lost. But for the first time, I realized that's okay and it's going to be okay. Just because I haven't found my way of life doesn't mean I won't.
For a while until now I dreaded going anywhere I knew people who ask me "What are you up to," "where are you working." Anxiety central. I would tremble at the thought when I would have to meet up with new people and answer the one question I hated, "what do you do?"
I fear being judged for having done nothing.
For the past three years since I graduated college, I've either been unemployed, worked retail or had a summer job and I can honestly say I have felt like a failure. In college, I was on the deans list for three years straight and part of their Newspaper Club where I assisted in writing and designing. I had great dreams that I would be taking my skills to a public relations or advertising company. Prior to my graduation at St. Francis College, I started to apply to internships and jobs like a madwomen. I knew people that had full-time jobs lined up for them after they graduated and as for me, I had my laptop and my resume in front of me. I was going on interviews on interviews and only to receive e-mails stating that unfortunaly the position was not offered to me.
People from all over the country move to New York to start a life in the career they imagined to have. I entered college wanting to be a teacher for the sack of having summers off and easy work days and the love I have for kids. I realized that, that wasn't for me and I was going into for all the wrong reasons. In my sophomore year, I decided to become a communication major. And no, being a communication major isn't the easy way out as most people would say to me.
I knew what I was capable of and wanted, but not one door was opening up for me nor did I see any light at the end of the tunnel and I lost all kinds of hope. I decided to take that summer off of applying and worrying about jobs and to enjoy my youth. One year, turned into two, and two years turned into three where I stand today.
A part of me is jaded, but I won't give up. I've kicked myself in the butt plenty of times however, I've come to realize that all my experiences from the past three years have been for a reason and helped shaped me who I am today.
Had I gotten a job out of college without working odd jobs, I may have been stuck in a career path that wasn’t right for me, and if nothing else, I am grateful for that.
Life is too short. Dream big, love hard, fight for what you want and never give up. I'm twenty-five and lost, but for the first time, I realized it is okay. I might not have the job I want yet, maybe I still live with my parents, and maybe I'm just barley getting by, but I am not a failure. I know people my age who are married, have their first child on their way, getting engage, buying their first place. Other's who have solid good jobs and still live at home with their parents. And then theres those out there, just like me. That's what your twenties are like, and its normal. Sometimes you have your shit together and sometimes you don't.
I've been struggling and embarrassed these past few years but sometimes its ok to say, I'm not okay. As a millennial myself, we have a tendency to only share the best parts of our life and hide the mess. But why? It's okay to be a little lost. I believe in the quote "what's for you will not pass you," and I have high hopes that what is for me will come to me in all the right timing.
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