We Evolved to Eat Meat

We evolved to eat meat,” or some such twiddly-crap, could well be the tritest excuse for eating our fellow earthlings ever blabbered a meat-eater. Commonly mouthed-off by someone looking to score points against a vegan or vegetarian, most likely by someone who failed biology—oddly and often enough by a creationist. Although not always.

But to be fair, let’s see if there’s any meat in their baloney.

First off, what is evolve?

The Free Dictionary defines it like this:¹

Evolve
v. e·volved, e·volv·ing, e·volves
v.tr.
1.

a. To develop or achieve gradually: evolve a style of one’s own.

b. To work (something) out; devise: “the schemes he evolved to line his purse” (S.J. Perelman).

2. Biology To develop (a characteristic) by evolutionary processes.

3. To give off; emit.

v.intr.

1. To undergo gradual change; develop: an amateur acting group that evolved into a theatrical company.

2. Biology To arise or transform through evolutionary processes.

Well, there we have it. I’ll be damned. Item number 2 in both instances is a reasonable basis for the presumptuous assumption; one must admit.

But then further investigation begs the question when in our “evolutionary processes” did “we evolved to eat meat?”

I’ll take a stab at it. No pun intended.

Was it when our teeth grew to be hard, long, and pointy, able to crush bone in a single bite without shattering themselves?

Or when we developed claws in place of flimsy fingernails to grip and rip our prey open that we might feast our face in its fresh, bloody warm innards?

Maybe it was when our hide toughened up to resist brambles, thorns, stinging and biting insects while we prowl the thicket.

Or when our senses sharpened so keenly as to hear, spot, and smell prey off near and far.

Perhaps it was when we acquired exceptional speed and agility to overtake and capture prey with a graceful ease and bare hands or mouth.

No, no. I got it. It was when our digestive system evolved to process raw meat, blood, guts, hair, bone, scales, fur, and plumage without the need of antacid.

So then, we evolved to eat meat. It’s settled.

Horsefeathers.

Anyone with more than a half-dead brain cell should realize that we never evolved to eating meat.

It’s called a choice.

Albeit, a poor one.

1 Evolve – definition of evolve by The Free Dictionary, http://www.thefreedictionary.com/evolves  (accessed July 27, 2016).