Yesterday Dorian and I packed our belongs (well, I did most of the packing) and drove for 6-7 hours to a new place called home. For the second time for me, and a first for Dorian. On our way to a new life, to a place we are unfamiliar with. I don't like moving. I don't like the stress of packing and unpacking, of having to figure out the little things like where the bus stop is or where I can buy food. I didn't like it when I moved out to live on my own yesterday, and I like it even less now.
Do you know that feeling when you sit in a new room, where your luggage has been thrown in a corner and packed suitcases are staring at you. There is so much to do, yet staring at the roof is more tempting. A strong sense of loneliness creeps in, and the uncomfortableness of unfamiliarity surrounds you. It's different, the room, the house, the situation. It's a lot noiser here, and Dorian feels the need to bark at everything. I'm sure that will pass when he gets used to it. I'm busy unpacking now, trying to mak everything a bit more like home, and to create more space for Dorian to play in hehe.
The weight of my decision has never been heavier. the extra weight isn't regret, there is not a single thought in my mind that could regret Dorian. Yet still, it is different. It has truly dawned on me how much responsibility he is. I've always realized dogs are much work, and I'll be the first to say that. I'm 100% devoted to Dorian. But I feel like I can't breathe with the responsibility. I don't know if this is a problem for most people, but I worry about him constantly. I can't leave the house without him and not think about him. So many questions whirl through my head, and I make myself sick worrying whether he is quiet and okay. Whether he is happy. Which is silly, I know. You read all these posts about dogs with seperation anxiety, and I worry if Dorian will be one of those dogs. And then I stress about it, even though he can be left alone for a few hours with minimal noise. We are starting over with home alone training in our new home, but he doesn't look like a dog who is panicking and afraid (I film him, of course). I am the one with seperation anxiety. Just the thought of leaving him makes me sick because I'm so worried. And it shouldn't be like this. I'm altering and adjusting my entire life to Dorian, not because of him but because of me, and it feels like im suffocating. At some point I have to pause and think about this behavior, because I know it can't continue like this. I have to turn it around. I'm going way off topic, haha. I might do a separat post on this topic in a while, if I gather more thoughts.
Anyways, my life kinda revolves around him. While when I moved last time I could just go for a food shop, i could take the bus to town and get a coffee or get some desperatly needed socks, now I have to consider every move. Where am I going, has Dorian been for a walk? Can he come inside the shop, what do I do with him if not? That's though, because I have a lot of things that need to be in place before I start school next week. I know all this negativity and stress will be gone in a week or two, but right now it's overwhelming. I can't wait until we're both settled in and can fall back into routines. We have wonderful hiking areas right outside our house (literally) and I can't wait to go on loooong daily hikes.
We'll be fine, if I can just catch my breath.
Published by Quelly And Dorian