If Hogwarts’ Lessons Were Muggle Lessons

We’ve all dreamt about it, haven’t we? August comes around and we finally get that letter to Hogwarts… Forget going to normal school, we’re off to Platform 9 3/4 suckers!

(Just me? Okay then.)


But if we live in the dream world where I occupy most of my time, surely we can make our muggle school like wizard school? And if we did, the first step would be the subjects.

So which subject would be which?

Potions – Chemistry

Obviously! The easiest one this by far; looking at how different chemicals react and create different potions.

First one sorted. Boom. (Literally ‘boom’ if you’re Neville Longbottom.)

Divination – Religious Education

Divination is obscure and inaccurate. It makes flimsy guesses about stuff that impacts on so many people’s lives.

Seems right for religion, dunnit?

Muggle Studies – Psychology

Duh! To be honest, even in the muggle world, I think Psychology should be called Muggle Studies.

Care of Magical Creatures – Childcare

Children are such magical creatures…

Though they are also monsters who could destory your lives…

Seemed apt.

Herbology – Biology

A loose one this, but you see where I’m driving at. In Biology you sometimes do about plants and stuff. Don’t you?

I don’t know, I failed Biology.

Defense Against the Dark Arts – …

Ah, well, this is the one, isn’t it? If we’re honest with ourselves, this is the one we all want our subject to be. We’re all after it as much as Snape!

You could argue for a lot of subjects, of course.

Physical Education, for the pratical elements.

Drama, because art is the true defense against the darkness of your soul.

PSHE, because you learn about life.

I’ll let you decide who the most sought after subject would be…

Published by Rick Wood


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