Quite surprised at how fast 2017 is passing by. Like it’s already June and there’s roughly two weeks of semester left. Summer is right around the corner or it kinda already is. It was quite chilly today because of the rain but it’ll get hot in no time and apparently this Summer is going to be a total meltdown.
These days, other than spitting drunken rants all over the place, I’m constantly thinking and planning about what I’ll be doing in the next five years. Some troubling things are happening at home and I’m super concerned about it. So I’m more aware of what I’ll be doing before and after I graduate. I do still have three semesters left but at this speed, I feel as if uni life will end in an instant. Setting future goals one by one and trying to figure out my life in general. I’m glad that I’m not stressing over it as much as I did last year. Slowly realising the more important things in life and learning not to be petty over the small things. Treating myself right and knowing I can do better and also deserve better. Also, I had trouble sleeping for a bit because of sudden flashbacks from past incidents. It was rather disturbing because surprisingly, it never really affected me as much. Or maybe I was trying not to be affected by it. But one day, it randomly hit me and I just felt so sorry for myself. Sorry that I had to go through it and also very foolish that I didn’t seek out for any sort of help at the time. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right? Decided not to let that mess with my mind but at the same time I do want to talk about it because I actually never had the chance to talk deeply about it. It’ll probably fade away again though.
Another decision I made is that I shouldn’t fall for the sweet talk. Although, I do know that I’ll forever be an emotional person, I’m restraining my emotional side and trying to be more logical and realistic. It is tricky but I’m slowly improving. I cherish myself too much now for any negativity or hopeless begging for attention. If you lose me, you lose me and that’s that. Your loss.
Published by Rose Chae