I’ve gotten to a point to where I’m over everything and everyone. My grandfather always said if you can’t take a man, or anyone, for their word that man aint shit. I’m tired of the constant let downs and disappointments so I’ll just be there for myself. I don’t have shit or know what I’m doing but I’ll figure it out. I’ll make a way for myself and stick to what I know to provide for myself.
I’ve never been more confused in my life, but I guess that’s life. I feel horrible at times knowing that I’m responsible for two lives that are going to have to suffer and accompany me on this ride while I figure everything out but what else am I going to do? I could play it safe and stay in my current situation but I’m not happy. I’m not growing and I feel my kids will be even more miserable than I am now in the end.
I need to start loving myself enough to not only want but to start doing better for myself. I need to stop accepting the way things are and settling as If they can’t get better. I need to love my kids enough to not expose them to the degrading shit I call “work” and find something more productive to do. Whether that be going back to school or finishing these books and grinding to open up my own business.
I’m constantly saying how I’m not an employee but at the same time I am a mother, and sometimes parents have to do things that they may not want to but is in the best interest of their children. I was irresponsible enough to lay down and make children with someone who, for whatever reason, is not in the picture, so I need to be responsible enough to make sure they don’t suffer because of my irresponsibility.
Everyone will say what they want to do. Hell, they’ll even say what they’re going to do but who ever does what they say they will? I’ve always said despite the broken promises people make to me, I’m always going to be a woman of my word and I’m sticking to that. If my kids can’t trust anyone else, they’ll always be able to trust their mother.
Published by ShylahBoss Lee