When I was younger I had a bad habit of saying I hated things, and even though I was just frustrated or playing around, my uncle taught that wasn't something you said jokingly. He tried to teach me the strength the word hate had and the true meaning of hate. Ultimately teaching me that actually I didn't hate anything, and I didn't until today. I never truly hated someone as much as I do right now. It saddens me to think of how I went from a young lady who saw good in everything and everyone to a coldhearted young woman. I mentioned earlier how nice people are targeted and used, not realizing I've been someone's target for the past 6 months. It's one thing to use me, but to use me and lie about it, especially when I catch on and confront you, pitiful. You could at least be man enough to own your sh*t and admit it. The fact I was lied to hurts more than being used.
I understand people will be people and I expect nothing less, especially from a man who really ain't worth a damn. I get so mad at myself because I didn't want to be with you, it was you who really pressed the issue, but now that I think about it, you would have been the same way with any b*tch that came along. So that's my fault. I thought you had potential and just needed a little work. SSSHHHH****TTTTT!!! You have some abandonment issues and you're very possessive but then have the nerve to try to be dominant, like how? All I have to do is walk out and you're entire world would fall apart. I think back to all the times you tried to put my shit out and I'm glad I never really tripped, because you've even said it yourself you never want me to go, lol. Then I think of all the times you lied, and all the games you tried to play, when you stole my phone, or here's the kicker, when you snatched my hair out! No, I'm wrong. When you packed my stuff, said you were calling the police because I wasn't leaving fast enough, even though you had my phone, and you hid your needles in my bag. You wondering why I said you weren't my friend. WTF kind of friend is that? No friend that of mine. That's a fck boy! If you ever fcked with the wrong one, it was me. SMH!
You may think you got over on me but you really just fcked yourself. I'm good, I'm always going to be good because I make good money. I can get off my ass, get out here and make something out of nothing. I know better than to depend on ANYONE! However, you can ask anyone and they'll tell you, if you ever needed someone to depend on, I'm that person you want in your corner. Not to you of course but anyone else. Remember when you used to have me look in the mirror and tell my reflection that I loved them and they were beautiful? I think you need to as well, all jokes aside. You're losing yourself, not that you ever had yourself to begin with so I guess it doesn't really matter, but it doesn't make it okay either. You're going to need me, LONG before I EVER need you. You and I both know that to be true because It happens every time. You would think you'd learn your lesson by now but I guess not. You love making things hard for yourself.
I have to leave, just go and never look back because you're falling and trying to drag me down with you. You have to be the HBIC, huh? You just have to be in control and run everything even though you don't know wtf you're doing. I'm done letting you guide into head-on collisions, this is where I get out I guess. What hurts the most is, even though I'm the weakest out of us, I tried to be the strong one and take over but your pride CANT/WONT/DOESN'T/ISNT WILLING to let that happen. I hope that same pride is able to cure your loneliness. I hope your pride can provide for you financially, keep you safe when you're losing it and give you all the security you're missing.
It sucks I couldn't
Published by ShylahBoss Lee