A life of fear

Anxiety: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

This is a more serious subject that I was reluctant to talk about on my blog as it is very personal and something I really do not know how to put into words. The sad reality is, I live with anxiety every day of my life and it is something I want people to know that they are not facing alone.

I have had anxiety since I can remember but over the past year and a half my anxiety has become increasingly worse. So have the anxiety attacks. As I have gotten older, taken on a lot more work, responsibility and faced challenges in life, the monster that follows me has grown and become increasingly harder to fight back. If you do not have anxiety yourself then it will be hard for you to understand exactly what it is like to live with the monster. You will not understand what it is like to feel a constant unease or worry. Or to feel your heart racing so fast you can physically feel it beating in your chest, picking up speed by the second. The feeling of impending doom, to have your hands shaking uncontrollably, feel as though you can’t breathe, feel weak at the knees and in a sudden state of panic. To feel so lost and alone even though you are in a room full of people. To have a constant headache for days and not be able to sleep. This is what it is like to have anxiety, this is what leads to a full blown panic attack that you have no choice but to ride out and control it the best you can.

On a normal day my anxiety can be very mild in which I may just feel uneasy the whole day, on edge and have a constant headache. Other days I can feel as stated above, with the impending doom and the racing heart and being in a sudden state of panic. Which day I will experience those things …. who knows.

I can’t tell you the amount of times my partner has been confused or frustrated with me when I am suddenly quiet, crying without reason, not myself and distant. Or when I have had an anxiety attack at my friends house and they just look at me confused and in a state of panic themselves. The sad thing is that they really just do not understand. It is one thing that they can’t help me with, they can’t fix. No one can.

Anxiety can be slightly diminished but it will always be there. It is about learning to manage your anxiety at a level that can be controlled. It’s about controlling IT and not letting it control YOU. 

I have seen a psychiatrist who has sat, listened and given me advice, given me the skills to manage my anxiety and over time these skills have worked.

What I have done to manage my anxiety:

• Take magnesium supplements! Magnesium is a calming mineral that nourishes the nervous system helping prevent anxiety, irritability, relaxing your muscles and mind to do this.
• Cut down on caffeine! I am a big caffeine drinker but honestly it hugely contributes to your anxiety, giving you that high low feeling that you do not want when you have anxiety. Cutting down to 1 or 2 cups of coffee a week instead of 1 or 2 almost every day has really helped. Although I cannot give it up completely just yet.
• Go for walks. This really has helped me as it is some form of exercise. If I am feeling anxious, going for a walk is particularly useful to keep myself active and use up the adrenaline floating around my body. It also calms me down and relaxes me as I am focusing on my surroundings and listening to the wind and the birds.
• Herbal Teas (especially chamomile). This is really good at relaxing your body with it’s mild sedative effects, helping with insomnia, encouraging a good nights sleep free of nightmares. Having this tea before bed works wonders.
• Talk to people. This was a hard one for me as I keep most things to myself and don’t talk to people about things that often.However once I talked with a psychiatrist, opened up to my partner about how I was feeling along with my friends, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Just talking to someone about your worries makes a world of a difference, even if they do not understand your anxiety, they can talk to you about your worries. Unfortunately I have not opened up to my family about my anxiety yet I am still hiding it away, but I do have good friends and my partner who I talk to.
• Plan & keep a diary: This is a big one, but I find keeping a planner where I can plan out my weeks along with a diary where I can write my thoughts down at the end of each day, has helped me a lot with keeping my mind at ease.
• Finally, Cut people loose. If you have someone in your life who is contributing to your anxiety and making you feel a whole lot worse. Cut them out honey. It doesn’t matter if they are a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/Cousin. If talking to them about the issue hasn’t worked then you need to get rid of them. Life is too short to be wasting time on people who bring negativity and instability into your life.

So that is my story, I hope you all got something out of it. To all you people out there dealing with anxiety, You are NOT alone. To all you friends and family members out there who have someone dealing with anxiety, be kind, support your loved ones and listen to them. Be the shoulder to cry on, the one to tell them to deep breathe and deep breathe with them. Most importantly do not get frustrated with your loved ones and tell them to CALM DOWN because honey we would if we could believe me!!!

I am here, I am with you, do not hesitate to send me an email if you need someone to talk to or just read what you are going through.

latas honey, until next time.

love,

Soph, x

- To see original post, head over to my blog: chaoticpassion.wordpress.com