Letter to my Fat self

My dear Fat self,

I want to say I hope you are fine but, I will not as I know you are fine.You are always doing fine as you always get what you want.
And I think that you are so self centred that you might
have not noticed the presence of the real me, the one which is kind, loving , understanding and enjoying life. The one who does not respond to the urges to overeat/eat emotionally produced by my reptilian brain but enjoys the life instead.  So let me introduce my (real)self.

But hang on, you must know me so well as we met long time ago, do you remember?

We met when I was a teenage girl.

You've  heard that there is one more teenage girl (me ) whose self image had been  under the  siege  of the must- look- perfect forces and you decided to check if I will succumb to all the you- must- get fit/slim bombarding. And you started your surveillance on how I was dealing with that. Once you saw that I am just giving up you approached me and unnoticeably introduced yourself. You did not care that I did not hear you, you just said : “Hi, I just wanted  to let you know that I will be here for you since your confidence is gone”.

I have been made aware of your existence after I read so much about binge eating and emotional eating. And it is a real pity that you will not get the chance to know me any better  as I am planning to have an amicable break up with you.
  I know that we have been together for such a long time but I
feel that things  are not going well for me so I think I am will have to put an end to that relationship.

I really appreciate your successful attempts to comfort me with junk food and make me deprive my body from food after that.
You also did your best to make me more unsocial
than it is necessary as you always convinced me that here is no point of seeing this man/that men as he will not be interested anyway.

Thank you for your constant efforts to convince me that I do not look well as I am not slim.

But I will be fine without you, really, don’t get crossed with me, we both know it was not going to work the moment I start realising that I will be better alone.

Let me tell you who I am going to be without you since you raised that point

I will be  a 40 years old  who recently became obsessed with her body size and decided that  I suffer from binge eating disorder. I read quite a few book about binge eating and the recovery process. I read about mindfulness and all the other helpful ways to stop binging. After reading myriad of books about binge eating and how to stop it I realised that I am binging not with food but with low self- confidence and insecurity.
But I also love reading and writing and I have a dream to be a writer and a successful life coach.  I also live and work in London, quite a diverse and colourful city where one can often  get inspiration from the most unusual things.

 I also have an autistic nephew that I love to bits and I love to observe his unique attitude towards this world and sometimes I  even think that this is the right way to view todays world.

So, that is me and it is ok if you don’t like me as I like me!

Published by Stanka Petrova


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