The other evening, I was having a conversation with my husband about the fact that it was National Cocoa Day. I love cocoa maybe a little more than the average person but does it really deserve an entire day? Once you finish it, you can always get more, millions of people are aware of it. Does it really need to be celebrated?
Being the nerd that I am, I decided to do some “investigatory” journalism and delve into this phenomenon. Plus, what else am I really doing at the moment? Definitely not holiday shopping.
Turning my attention to the month of December, you would think that there would only be 2 days that are on everybody’s calendars, right? Au contraire, mon amie! There are so MANY celebrations it is ridiculous. Let’s take a look, shall we?
December 18- Answer the Phone Like Buddy the Elf Day. Seriously? Can you imagine picking up the phone in your office and saying the following, “(Insert your name) what’s your favorite color?” Try this and I am certain that there will be one of two outcomes. You could receive a wonderful early retirement or a one-way ticket to the unemployment line. I am almost positive that my former bosses would have loved my explanation. “Hey, it’s a national day! I was just observing it. I didn’t know it was Mr. Burns on the line.”
December 20- National Sangria Day. This has potential if it were on a Friday but it’s on a Tuesday. It could be an excuse to have that holiday office party. I find that productivity will definitely increase after one or two glasses of this elixir. Sangria would definitely liven up that potentially soul crushing experience. A word of caution though, if the door to the copier room is closed, don’t open it. You could be scarred for life.
December 26 – National Whiner’s Day. Wow! Finally, a day I can celebrate. This is something I am fairly adept at and I do it on a consistent basis. How many people actually whined to their congressmen for this to have become a day? I don’t really think it deserves the attention of the entire US but okay, I’m game. On the other hand, UGH! Is this really necessary? See how good I am? I bet you didn’t even notice I was whining. I am a professional.
December 30 -National Bicarbonate of Soda Day. First of all, there are too many words in this day. On an additional note, if I have to explain bicarbonate maybe it shouldn’t be a day. Unless I become Bill Nye the Science Guy this celebration will just have to stay off my calendar. Just saying.
As if December weren’t chockful of memorable shindigs, let’s take a gander at January!
January 1 – National Hangover Day. I am going to be putting that in my Samsung calendar even as I am typing. Note to self: Jager bombs are never a good idea at any age. Yes, it does taste like college, thank you very much Ed Helms! It also feels like college and I am too old for bed spins. Good times.
January 2 – National Personal Trainer Awareness Day. I am very aware that personal trainers exist. The reminder is very much appreciated considering I am still recovering from National Hangover Day. Yoga and the elliptical are not my best friends right now. It is a struggle to make it from the couch and my Evil Dead binge watch into the kitchen. What makes you think that I am going to amp up my heart and pulse rate to sweat out New Year’s Eve bad decisions?
January 12 – National Pharmacist Day. Why are we waiting so long for this day? It seems to me it could be sandwiched in any time from December 21 – January 1.
January 13 – National Blame Someone Else Day. Once again, I think that everyone could have used this day back in December. Who can I blame for this oversight?
January 21 – National Hugging Day. This is a celebration that should not be practiced at your place of business unless you want to spend an inordinate amount of time in your HR department. “Honestly, Ms. Davis. It’s National Hugging Day. Everybody knows that! The people that are complaining are the ones that I didn’t hug. They just have to get over it. And no, despite what Kevin says, it wasn’t a lingering hug. He wishes.”
January 24 -Beer Can Appreciation Day. We’re back to this, really? I just got over the beginning of the new year. Oh, what the hell. Pass me the Stella Artois. I know it’s beer can appreciation day. I am going to appreciate beer without the can.
January 25 – National Irish Coffee Day. Alright! I am of Irish heritage. I really don’t need a day for this but if you insist…. pass the Bailey’s and the Jameson’s please? I guess that could take care of the looming hangover from my visit with Ms. Artois yesterday.
January 26 – National Green Juice Day. Am I the only one that is seeing a persistent theme here? This sounds pretty gross but I am thinking quite a few people are going to be in need of detox or a “cleanse” after all the multiple celebrations.
Just a personal observation, I have noticed that each month during 2017 contains cupcake, brownie, or adult beverage days. If I celebrate all of them, I am going to be the new spokesperson for Jenny Craig or I am going to find myself checking in at the Promises facility in Malibu (Google it). Maybe we should have a day for not having a day. I could use a rest! Crap…. I just saw January 16th has been co-opted from MLK Day and is also National Nothing Day.
There it is!
Published by Susan Leighton Woman on the Ledge