I've been in an emotionless relationship with The State of Maryland. We had our ups and downs, we went back and forth about the weather, we went back and forth about home prices but lately we just haven't been getting along so I went to visit my new mistress her name is My Sweet Arizona. We flew out on a whim because I'd heard how fantastic she was and I wanted to see for myself. When I visited her, I finally knew what I have been missing in my own loveless relationship. This new mistress of mine was so welcoming, so friendly and very accommodating, she made it so easy to be with her that I cried when I left her.
After 5 days, it was time to go back to my real relationship in Maryland. I got to the airport and the sky was gray almost like she knew that I had been cheating on her; she wasn't happy. I tried to forget my week long affair but it haunted me-my heart ached. it consumed me, it was all that I thought about for three years. I finally stopped fighting and just divorced her, no need to be in a bad relationship just because it's all you know. Now Maryland, you listen clearly, you can keep your $500,000 houses, your pretentious people, your crazy work ethic, your endless snowy winters and your long muggy summers because I found a new love and she loves me too! She's cool, she's quiet and peaceful, she’s friendly, her skies are panoramic and her sunshine is strong. she accepted my family with no questions asked.
She's different from Maryland that's for sure and I will never go back to you, not even for a visit. Why would I? My Sweet Arizona gives me sky-scraping palm trees and a laid-back lifestyle, an outrageous home that I can easily afford. Her rules are different but nothing that I couldn’t adjust to. I wake up to Cactus flowers and warm breezes. She does get a bit hot but the heat is dry and I actually think it's nice. People here are calm and relaxed, Vitamin D keeps everyone smiling. Hey, there's even a creature called the Snow Bird that hails from Canada. They visit for a few months and go back home. Imagine that? I can see why everyone is here. It’s by choice. I’ve met people that have divorced Ohio, Michigan & California.
They’ve all run to their new lover.
She told me that if I am up for a road trip that San Diego is only 4 hours away, and so is Las Vegas. She never ceases to amaze me. She spoils me. She loves me. As time moves on, I may start to miss that old Chesapeake Bay but for now, I will get my crab cakes from Trader Joe’s and I’m satisfied. I’ve moved on. Divorce feels good.