From pregnancy on lots of advice is thrown at you. Some welcomed and other pieces you could probably do without.
We are a community of mothers, and we wear that badge with great honor.
Eventually, there are playgroups and play dates and all sorts of new scheduled events that introduce our children to other tiny people that are trying to navigate this confusing new world of ours. The trouble with these events is…..you are actually forced to now interact with parents that you normally wouldn’t have, simply because you happen to have children. Forced conversation is always a bit awkward. Since high school, I have taken the time to specifically create the best group of girlfriends on the planet, and these things take time to build. Personalities, personal views, hobbies, music, food-these are very specific things and I’ve “dated” my girlfriends for a while now. Now, you have to go on a blind date in hopes that you might be able to tolerate each other.
Is this a date? What do I wear? Does a concert tee and converse send the wrong message here? You wouldn’t want to create the wrong impression. What on earth am I thinking, my daughter is 2!! Well, we have to call or text each other, schedule a “date” and just cross our fingers that we get along, never mind the kids-they’ll love each other. Kids aren’t jaded like their parents, so as long as you are tiny like them you are welcomed as a friend. Dating parents can be a hit or miss, but the problems usually come from my so-called prized inner circle. Unwanted comments that stem from who knows where. You would almost expect this foolishness from someone new, but nope-wrong target.
Every once in a while, a comment arises. Something that you weren’t prepared for, but yet instead of clapping back, you stand there perplexed with a stunned smile in disbelief. The one that I am getting more and more is how beautiful my Lola is. My husband and I created a person entirely from love (and three rounds of IVF!) We look at this child so lovingly. Parents adore their children, well most of them do, anyway, so when someone compliments them on their manners or their kindness or their beauty-it’s humbling. News Alert: All parents think their child is the cutest, smartest, kindest superstar ever born. They are destined to be the next President Obama, they will perform like Taylor Swift on weekends and reign supreme in tennis world like Venus & Serena. We are completely irrational and yet very optimistic.
But, back to the comments- the funny thing is that these are 'acquaintances' that have said this, not strangers! She is so pretty, it's funny but she doesn't look anything like you. Hmmm....Now you can take this and think...., the people that have known me for all of my life know that she looks just like I did at age 5. People that met me as an adult, for some reason, can't make the connection. But why do they think it's ok to express that particular thought? It's almost like they want to inflict pain. I could NEVER tell someone that. Where were these people raised?
So, we move on, realizing that not everyone has the decorum to provide a compliment and move the conversation forward.
We teach our daughter to be gracious and humble, and when someone gives you a compliment and then follow it up with foolish comment, just tilt your head like mommy with a dumbfounded smile. For they know not what they do.
Published by Tanika Belis