Water Fasting Series: Day 18: Confronting Fear & Recovery after my Near Death Experience

Ah, a much-needed night of sleep in my own bed. Allelujah! Travel really makes me appreciate the simple comforts of having my own place and routine.

I practiced yoga nidra and rested until I passed out. I had no more energy left by 7pm. Nausea reared its ugly head, as I laid in bed. I just kept thinking that I need to drink more water and resume with daily enemas. I was not very thirsty on my trip. It’s strange that while fasting I all but lose my desire to drink.

The sound of thunder lulled me to sleep, and my sweet little Tempe breathed deeply under my bed. She normally doesn’t sleep upstairs in my bedroom with me, but she must have missed me while I was away.

This morning I awoke effortlessly at 6am. I suppose my biological clock isn’t terribly screwed up, which is great news. I spent some time in humming meditation and in silence after my morning prayers. May I embody the being I was designed to be.

I arrived at work early, and thankfully, it didn’t seem like I have too terribly much dumped onto my plate from missing a few days. I will manage. I completed my manifesting with love visualization, dreaming about transitioning out of my job to work at the local health food store and generating income through my writing and health coaching. It will be!

At work, I spoke to some rather frustrating individuals, one of whom hung up on me! I was trying to help him, but clearly he did not appreciate the effort. I noticed anger and frustration emerging in my emotional body. Unenjoyable. Ah, hopefully another career opportunity will manifest in due time.

Physically, I feel really tired and low energy. I just need to sit back and recover. Waves of nausea come at times. Dry mouth and throat. Weakness when moving. Back pain while sitting. I am learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

I had the pleasure of working on my health coaching module. Raw food advocate, David Wolfe, presented an awesomely informative and entertaining lecture! He got me thinking about making some kind of superfood drink in the morning with my green powders, berries, and maybe even using the Bragg apple cider vinegar drink as a base. I know that the extra minerals are helpful when consuming a raw vegan diet, as the nutrient density of the produce has declined due to soil depletion.

Speaking of delicious morning drinks, I know it will be important for me to eat three meals a day once I break my fast. Otherwise, I am way too hungry in the afternoon and evening.

Midday, I escaped to stock up on water, as I don’t have a home filtration center. I fill up gallon jugs with reverse osmosis water. It’s a pain in the neck, but the best solution for me at this time.

I went home for a minute to walk the dogs and grab a zero calorie Bragg’s ACV drink. During my last fast, I read a couple of the Bragg’s books on ACV and fasting, and they recommended using ACV daily to assist with detoxification and elimination during the fast. I understand it’s not for everyone, especially those who want a 100% pure water only fast. That being said, it did stimulate elimination for me, which was especially helpful with the waves of nausea I’ve been experiencing.

The past several days have presented a lot of mental challenges for me, namely to break the fast or not, when to break it, etc. I would really like to make it 28-30 days. I think with enough rest I can do it!

I noticed some vain body-centered thoughts arise. Size 0 pants, size 0 pants! I love the fact that I’m wearing size 0 pants. Comfortably! And they aren’t tight at all. I am observing these thoughts and not attaching to them, nor am I judging myself for having them, as I normally would.

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According to spiritual teacher Mastin Kipp, the things that scare us the most are the things we need to do. He recommends that we make a list of the things that scare us the most, describe the worst case scenario if we were to do those things, and list an action step we can take towards accomplishing our scariest tasks.

Here’s my list:

• staying in Monroe
  • worst case scenario: experience painful emotions, be in lower vibe place
  • action step to do what’s scary: keep staying!
• winging it financially
  • worst case scenario: go bankrupt, in more debt
  • action step: move out of my place June 30, pay own rent, and generate other streams of income
• starting a business
  • worst case scenario: fail, go bankrupt, in more debt, embarrassed
  • action step: continue IIN health coaching training, blogging, and setting up coaching business
• working 12-step programs
  • worst case scenario: be vulnerable, experience painful emotions
  • action step: go to meetings, work with sponsors, go to upcoming women’s conference
• opening my heart to others
  • worst case scenario: experience painful emotions, rejection
  • action step: actively connect with people at the local health food store, neighbors, coworkers, fellow yogis, recovery fellowship, online, etc.
• going to my dad’s wedding and forging new healthy relationship with him, his fiancé, and her family
  • worst case scenario: experience painful emotions, have to set lots of boundaries, engage deeply in recovery and self-care to ensure I do not fall into people pleasing trap or get sucked into dysfunctional, codependent family vacuum
  • action step: go see Dad soon and remain detached with love

“Fear is a compass showing you where to go…unless you’re in mortal danger” -- Mastin Kipp.

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Once home, I meditated another 45 minutes and relished the glorious relaxation of spaciousness.

In all honesty, I am still battling some food obsessive thoughts. I do my best not to give them too much power or to follow them off into no man’s land of looking up recipes or menus or anything like that. It’s challenging and illuminating to see how much cognitive space is taken up by food.

At home, I did another enema, and released quite a bit. I am feeling a lot better. I can’t believe I made it through the first fast without them.

I spent some time reading Al-Anon literature to comfort and soothe my soul. Very inspirational readings. I am excited for the meeting tomorrow!

This evening I will finish the cancer documentary episode and listen to a detoxification talk with Deepak Chopra. I plan to walk the dogs in a bit and shower, so I can get up in bed fairly soon. Rest, rest, rest, and more rest is in order until further notice!

Watching the cancer documentary was really inspiring. There’s so much amazingness in juicing, sunlight, organic foods, breathing in prahna, and all sorts of alternative treatments. Everything in nature is so healing…everything! Even the stones made up of minerals. We are composed of the stuff of earth, so it only makes sense that earth stuffs will heal us. The more artificial we become the more we depend on artificial means to sustain life.

I am feeling more resolve in my fasting. I definitely want to go 28-30 days at this point. Still have more changes I would like to see. I am incredibly pleased with my results so far, but would like further fat loss to release the toxicity that’s accumulated, as I used food to deal with my emotional and spiritual problems.

I am feeling confident in my refeeding process this time. I am very much inspired to be 100% organic—or as close as humanly possible—when I break the fast. I would like to experience my body without all the pesticides and contamination in conventional foods.

I am grateful to be alive and to feel hopeful! Namaste.

Thank you for reading! Please be sure to check out my posts on my previous 28-day fast, Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9, Day 10, Day 11, Day 12, and Days 13-17!