He called me because he was near my job and wanted to take me out to lunch. I, happened to be on my way to visit a sick family member and did not have room for interruptions to my current plans in life. Wires got crossed and we ended up not seeing each other at all—just a quick phone call to talk about our days while I sat in traffic on the way home. Oh my, time and expectations had changed since this very day 2 years ago. Had I stopped caring about Valentine’s day?
Not really. I am just a different person with a completely different set of priorities. Two years ago I was looking to be swept off my feet by someone who was nice to me and understood the social norms of a romantic relationship. I needed those flowers, the teddy bear and the chocolate. I needed the validation so much—and I wanted to finally know that I was with someone who had their shit together enough to afford a box of chocolates! I needed to raise my standards and have my every expectation fulfilled to make up for so many years of disappointment.
He did that for me, two years ago. Now I’m over it. I just want to get through my busy days and nights, take care of my business and count down the days until we see each other again. I no longer have the expectation for calling in sick to spend extra time or being surprised by him at one of my shows. I just expect someone talk to at the end of the day, a loving embrace and moral support. I think I’ve finally been able to narrow down the important things in life by managing my expectations of each of my personal relationships. I think too often I have wasted so much energy searching for fulfillment from others. I realized that I needed to be complete within myself in order to not feel so dependent on grand gestures from others.
Valentine’s Day is ok with me—two years ago it had suddenly turned into my favorite holiday! This year, I feel neutral at best, and I’m sure I’m not the only person who has ever experienced ambivalence about the day. Whatever your mood is about it, I do think it can be a time to examine your loving relationships for the difference between the things you expect and the things you really need.
What do expect of your loved ones on Valentine's Day?
artwork by www.tracilturner.com
Published by Whiskey blog.whiskeyandpoetry.com